Sticky Red: A Bodycount Compendium

Hacked Off (United Kingdom, 2005)
Rating: **
Starring: Layla Anna-Lee, Liam Browne, Maria Conciarro

Man, am I digging real deep now. I mean, has anybody even heard of this one?

A United Kingdom video release, Hacked Off is a ho-hum walk through every backwoods slashers you've known, with very little added bonus. It tells the story of seven vacationing youngsters who is on their way to a private cottage (with a pool!) on the most remote part of the French countryside, only to be terrorized by Jaque Sykes, an escaped serial killer who had already murdered a phone repair guy in the opening just to steal his clothes. And uh, that's just about it.

Pros of the movie had would be its fair looking death scenes and some decent backwoods chases, but the rest is sadly too standard or familiar for any form of praising. You could say I might as well give it some credit for doing things the way it should be done, which the film did fairly at some point, but with very little dialogue, total absence of thrill and uninspired pacing, I was that close to just browsing through the movie just to see some slasher action and hardly cared on who lives or dies. (Feels pretty lengthy for a film that runs for an hour and eleven minutes long, if I may add)

In other words, the story is generic and the whole execution itself is underwhelming. No mystery killer, no gratuitous exploitation. Just a plain slasher film with a barely-threatening looking killer that doesn't deserve a long review, but could count as a fun viewing if it kicks you right.

Bodycount:
1 male beaten to death against a steering wheel
1 male stabbed on the eyes with a screwdriver
1 female hooked on the gut with a crowbar
1 female hacked on the head with a crowbar
1 male hanged on a cable wire noose
1 male powerdrilled on the head
1 male found decapitated, head cooked in an oven
1 female stabbed on the side with an electric knife
1 male murdered offcamera
1 female hacked with a crowbar
Total: 10

Jack The Reaper (2011)
Rating: **1/2
Starring: Tony Todd, Sally Kirkland, Douglas Tait

Simply read the title and tell me you didn't thought you smelled cheesy cheapness on this one. That very thought struck me while I look at the video cover of this movie, featuring a badly composed picture featuring an hollow-eyed killer, a bright carnival in the background, some teen couple running, and Tony Todd looking mighty serious. I was expecting a horrendously cheap DTV release in the mold of the recent Fullmoon movie series thanks to this cover, but I what I got instead was one bad movie that I ended up enjoying and finished until its rip-offed but fair finale.

Say whaaaat?

A group of generic paper-thin characters is forced to attend a fieldtrip to a Railroad museum one Saturday morning as a mean of receiving extra credit to pass a class. Some interesting side notes was given to some of these thespians; one had his girlfriend pregnant and is now bitter about it, another had a presumably abusive and molesting father, the rest are your typical colorful jocks, fat gramma's boy, a clean looking slut, a spoiled Asian brat and one deaf-mute girl who's cousin simply joined in to be her interpreter.

So, early on, we see one of the movie's big weaknesses, we're next treated with a supposedly haunting performance of Tony Todd telling he kids death estimates of rail road accidents. Not what I got in mind in a field trip but hey, I have my sick cravings so I stuck around and went on watching. Right after their trip, on their way home, the bus swerves to a crash trying to avoid someone and the kids woke up almost unscathed in the aftermath, with their teacher and driver missing and a mysteriously barren carnival up ahead in the middle of the desert.

Though they did thought about how strange their predicament is, the teens nevertheless went out and head on to the carnival, hoping to see someone in there that could help. After a lengthy wait watching these kids trying to pass the time playing games and going through merry-go-rounds while some of the more rational minded tries to figure out what's going on, a strange eyeless killer dubbed as Railroad Jack finally makes a move with his trusted pickaxe, hacking these teens down one by one.

Jack The Reaper had a lot going on but it never went beyond being a typical dead teenager film. Still, I did enjoyed it entertainment-wise; the film is well shot and most of the acting is fair for stereotypes. Also, I came to appreciate the film's doomed and gloom atmosphere that goes so well with isolated desert and empty carnival settings, giving much flair to the attacks. There's also some brooding mythology around Jack, quickly hinted in the opening as a mysterious narrator began telling us "her children's tale", which soon links up to the twist in the end, albeit completely unoriginal.

If this was given a better direction and some more budget, I do believe we might have at least a keeper here if they explored further into this and maybe added some more gore to the murders but alas, the ripped-off ending may not satisfy anybody and those who were expecting more from this film is inevitably let down by all of its gaping plot holes and clichés.

In conclusion, Jack The Reaper is understandably simple and overlooked, but for those who can stomach it, the film did offered something worthwhile and bearable in its moments.

Bodycount:
1 female seen killed in car crash
1 male hacked with pickaxe
1 female killed offcamera
1 male pickaxed on the chest
1 female hacked on the head with pickaxe
1 male pickaxed on the face
1 male hacked to death with pickaxe
1 male pickaxed through the back of his head
1 male hacked with pickaxe
1 female pickaxed through the head
1 male killed in crash
Total: 11

Chastity Bites (2013)
Rating: ***
Starring: Allison Scagliotti, Francia Raisa, Louise Griffiths

Challenging genre conventions that the virgin always survives in the end, the slasher flick Cherry Falls played a good enough slasher style murder mystery that, while underrated, holds up quite an impression for us slasher fans.

But we're not gonna talk about that film. No, that's going to be a review for another time. Today we'll be talking about another hack-a-thon that satire the same conventions, although more light-hearted and feminist in tone. This is Chastity Bites.

Leah (Alison Scagliotti) is an aspiring journalist and blogger with a working brain but a non-working social life. The fact that most of her articles are controversial not just around campus, but around town didn't exactly help her build up a status. Her only bud is one cute face-painted Katherine (Francia Raisa) who, unfortunately fallen head over heels with the new face in town, Liz Batho, a foreign woman who is planning to start a school organization that encourage abstinence and shares with some local house wives her secrets of gaining eternally beautiful and youthful skin.

Well, with a name like Liz Batho and the fact that three locals women are now missing, all of them virgins, you can tell there's something quite off about her. Leah knows it, but the notoriety she gained as a journalist hinders anybody from believing her so she has no choice but to figure out what's going on herself and save a friend from becoming the next beauty care product.

Looking into the title, I never thought Chastity Bites was gonna be a slasher. A werewolf, or a vampire flick even, but never a slasher. In fact, I'm pretty sure this is gonna be a vamp flick masquerading as something else since the subject of the film is Elizabeth Bathory, the infamous Blood Countess or Lady Dracula as some might call her, but thankfully, we're spared from another cheap vampire flick and treated instead with a cheap slasher. Not sure how's that good news, but for this blog and this fan, I'm willing to take the chance.

While the plot is sadly unoriginal since, as mentioned earlier, another title already called dibs on the satire, what sets this one apart from Cherry Falls is that there's a bit of odd cheerfulness to the tone despite the slaughter and much of the horror here is lost with its budget and direction. The one dark thing I see here was the scene that a group of mothers are willing to kill their own kids just for the sake of eternal beauty but even that's played with a cartoonish banter, losing impact or any sense of dread. Apart from that, its so-called mystery is also a downer; let's face it, we all know who on Earth "Liz Batho" really is, so we're just waiting here to check on how long will it take for them to figure it out and that's never been a good thing for a mystery.

As a satire, it only worked half way; much of it was forced still due to the fact that this is done already and it's tamed direction never let it go pass beyond visual pun and self-referencing that kinda died down already since Torture Porn took over mainstream horror. Same can be said to its feminist subtext that is kinda like "just there". No other approach was done to it other than being spat out by our heroine and that's, well, underwhelming.

Still, I can't get myself to dislike this film; perhaps it's the low-budget charm it possesses, the colorful characters and humor that hits more than it misses. I could say I could compare this with movies like Jennifer's Body where the jokes are delivered in such a new age way, you got to be a teen to understand them (coincidentally, both movies have heroines that had to gradually "transform" into someone harder and grittier to beat up the bad guys) but there's a wider approach to these jokes that anybody from any age range could get it.

Scagliotti did a pretty cool job as our lead; she's like this cross between Buffy The Vampire Slayer and Amy Fowler from The Big Bang Theory: though as nails with a lot of cynicism. Louise Griffiths star in the role of our beloved countess Elizabeth Bathory, with much alluring figure and high class aura that gives this film some standards. Everybody else is pretty spot on (more or less) with their comedic roles, a fun variation to the kind of mean girls you wanted to die in a slasher.

Chastity Bites not may only be the most original or the bloodiest slasher, (ironic to say for a film with a villainess based on a countess that rumored to had bathe in blood), it sadly failed to deliver anything new or thought-provoking. But pass its forced self-satire and tamed feminist atmosphere, it's a fair movie recommended as a starter piece for Horror noobs and curious types.

Bodycount:
1 female gets a throat cut
1 female has her throat cut with dagger
1 female has her throat cut with dagger
1 female has her throat cut with dagger (flashback)
1 female garroted with a bejeweled necklace
1 female has her throat cut with dagger
1 female has her throat cut with dagger
1 female gets a thrown hunting knife to the forehead
1 female has her throat cut with dagger
1 female impaled through with a spear
Total: 10

Splatter Farm (1987)

Rating: *1/2

Starring: Todd Michael Smith, John Polonia, Mark Polonia

Conscious Me: Augh, do I really have to do this one?

Inner Me: You have to. You owe it to yourself.

Conscious Me: But I barely remember anything that happened here!

Inner Me: Yes. Yes you do!

Conscious Me: How would you know?!

Inner Me: ..."Inner Consciousness"?

Conscious Me: oh, right...

Okay, so I stumbled upon this movie one bargain hunting ago and bought it without any idea what to expect. Apparently though, this was one of the earlier films made by the Polonia Brothers, the prolific contributors to the DIY horror movement who had introduced multitudes of horror and scifi titles shot below a budget, almost all of them I never even heard of. (Hey, I got a life outside horror!) This being their first commercial release, I expected the worse. Seeing that had no idea who these guys are prior to see this movie, my experience with this may have just put me off their radar. Forever.

Twins Alan and Joseph were visiting their aunt when they begin to notice something strange going on between her and farm boy Lacey. Could it have something to do with those bloodstained bones in the barn, literally hammered horses, Auntie's little habit of hypnotism and the fact we just saw Lacey dismember a body before giving himself the jollies with a severed hand in the opening?

What do you think?

Made to shock its audience, what Splatter Farm did to me is entirely the opposite: It bore me. Dead bore. Might be the bad quality of everything from audio and lightning to the tediously prolonged pacing and really weak acting, normally I don't mind all of these myself seeing that I'm the kind of guy who gave cheap as chips slashers like Blood Cult, The Nostril Picker and Truth or Dare: A Critical Madness a passing remark, but I swear to you all, I was this close to drinking a bottle of pesticide by accident due to me being drowsed into sleeping on how bad this film is. (That could have been a more interesting experience compared to the movie now that I think about it!)

Not sure what to say; it tries its best to shock us with taboos and upsetting images such as random animal murder (Offcamera. Geez), incestual rape (implied) and sexualized violence and torture (plenty but hardly shocking due to budget) but with uninteresting characters and a deadpan tone, I'm in a complete daze in the end and I failed to see the point of it all since I hardly cared for anyone in the story. The only aspect of the movie that reached out to me is the gore, which was gooey fun to look at in the same level of Truth or Dare. So will gore works save this film for me, then?

Please, I'm not that shallow.

Strangely, the movie found itself a cult following and even gets re-released in the new millennium with some of its more ridiculous scenes edited out to improve the film. Not sure which scenes they fixed or how better it is now but I'm not too excited to find out so I'm just gonna leave it to the fans to find out by themselves. (Whoever you are)

See it if you want, dear reader, but if you're gonna stone me for hating this, then I'll die a stoned man! This movie sucks in my opinion and I ain't going back for another round!

hehe stoned...

Bodycount:

1 female dismembered with an axe
1 male eviscerated with a knife
1 male beheaded with a scythe
1 male axed on the face
1 male tortured and imapled with a pitchfork
1 male got his head blown off with shotgun
1 female blown apart with dynamite
Total: 7

Baghead (2008)

Rating: ***

Starring: Ross Partridge, Steve Zissis, Greta Gerwig

When I first saw Baghead, I was completely unaware of the so called Mumblecore Movement. They're the kind of films that's shot in a low budget and relies heavily on realism through improvised script and amateurish camera work. This film falls in to this category and, I must say, it took a while before I get into the story.

Baghead follows a trip four friends hastily decided to do after one of them decided to do a movie. And not just any movie, but a good one! But what they got there, instead, is a weekend of frustrations and total writer's block that soon devolves into an intense situation as they cabin is apparently stalked by a stalker in a bag mask.

Majority of Baghead is talk, and this isn't the kind you would usually get in a horror movie. With touches of comedy and real life subjects, the whole itself really felt more of a home video documenting one of those days where you and your friends' bond is tested by the hardships of life, from work, love life and trust itself, making the story almost relatable by subject.

Not much of a horror movie for that matter, the slasher elements were near absent and only a couple of scenes tapped into a creepy and harrowing tone. That being said, those expecting a real fright flick is surely disappointed especially once the plot twist happens at the near end. Personally, I didn't complain much; I loved the characters and their sense of realism, so I got around the fact this isn't the purest of slashers and appreciated what it is.

I wouldn't recommend this to just anyone, you had to have an open mind and a mature one to enjoy Baghead. Otherwise, if you are out to look for a horror film, try Entrance instead, a possible companion piece for your Mumblegore needs.

Bodycount:
1 male stabbed to death
Total: "1"

Well, here we are again in another

This time, I'll be walking you through another atrocity in cinema that dares to take a stab in exploiting history itself. I'm talking about:

Lizzie Borden's Revenge (2013)

Rating: 0

Starring: Jenny Allford, Michael Beardsley, Rich Calderon

Tits and Violence. Yay?

Horror fans with a knack for history would know the story of Lizzie Borden, an American woman tried for murdering her father and stepmother with an axe, under so many theories tossed around to explain why she did it, including momentary insanity due to an unexplained disease, family affairs and the classic "she just snapped" gig. (Classic slasher scenario that latter one)

In here, we're treated with another possible explanation: Lizzie was gay, and she murders her family out of repressed rage. Say what?

Opening on Borden residence on the day of the murders (are those recycling bins next to that house? They had those in the 1890s?), we see Lizzie being lectured with the word of Christ Almighty by her step-mum and how her feelings for another lady is against all that's good in humanity. All of this with a terrible acting and two axe murders littered with CG blood. Elsewhere, a Filipino horror fan who's supposed to be paying real good attention to this was thinking whether he should just put in Troll 2 instead or just keep watching in hopes it gets better.

He chose the latter and found out it didn't.

Forward to the present, we now watch a group of coeds in their underwear talking about how suckish it is to be stuck in their predicament and how bras can be an optional clothing when you're out having fun with your girl friends.

I can vouch for that.

So they decided to pass the time doing a seance, insisted by one geek girl with an obsession for Lizzie Borden, and next thing you know we got Britney Spears axing all these babes with an axe...oh wait, that's supposed to be the ghost of Lizzie Borden, huh, she looked a lot better that what I remembered.

Much of the movie tries to be this fun sorority horror that we'd seen couple of times before, but what it lacks is what its supposed to do. The jokes are flat and forced, characterization is slim and the script is shit. Absence of special effects is also very distracting as the use of CG blood tainted every uninspired axing and Lizzie's supposedly ghostly emerging into the scene was simplified to her just walking in-camera. (Cuz nothing's scarier than an axe murderous ghost to appearing out of nowhere, right? Well, depending on the case...)

There's also some random sexy things going on once in a while like one red herring girl just had to walk around naked in a trance, showing off her smoothness and them rosy cheeks. As much as I (and my pants) would like that, you still had to wonder what exactly does this do for the story? Not that I'll be spoiling anything (I'm sure up to this point of the movie, many of you are either asleep or is contemplating suicide for wasting a precious hour watching this) but she did has something to do with the murders, but all of that can be done with her on clothes.

I'm a bood person...but DAT ASS!

Turd story, bad acting, cheap set, zero atmosphere, ridiculous looking ghosts and a lot of unimpressive kills. Why would anybody fund a movie this bad is beyond my reasonable psyche and the only reason why I kept watching is so I could check if what I got is a porno instead.

Well, one brief lesbian scene and a couple of boobies, not enough to go around for me to at least like it so...(insert the sound of a zipper zipping...close!)

For all that's good and holy, ditch this movie. It's worth the marketing, it's not the bodycount, and my God, it's not even worth that bulge on your pants right now! Do yourself a favor and if you ever see this movie, grab it and yell at it for being awful. People will look at you weirdly but hey, you know yourself you had a reason for doing that!

Bodycount:
1 female hacked to death with an axe
1 male hacked to death with an axe
1 male and 1 found murdered
1 male hacked to death with an axe
1 female hacked to death with an axe
1 female hacked to death with an axe
1 female beheaded with an axe
1 male hacked on the gut with an axe
1 female hacked on the back with an axe
1 female hacked on the chest with an axe
1 female knifed on the back
Total: 12

Inspired and tempted by this delicious countdown, Here be my personal Top 101 Slasher movies that really stood out the most!

Note: These are in no particular order (save the last ten) and they're all personal picks, so, nope. Your faves or your orders does not matter here! Muahahaha!...ha!

101. Jack Frost (1997)

A wanted serial killer had the best of luck (and worst for his victims) when an experimental serum was doused all over him and merged his soul to the surrounding winter ice. The result? One pissed-off snowcone, a sheriff scrambling to save his town and a hilarious slasher movie with loads of cheese

Best of Bloody Bits: An entire town prepare themselves to fight off Frosty with hairdryers and a furnace. Pretty cool even if it didn't work...

100. Dust Devil (South Africa, 1992)

A weird and deeply atmospheric hybrid of a western thriller, mythical fantasy and slasher horror, a drifter stalks, haunts and even swoon in a troubled wife. It wasn't too long before she found out what he's really up to.

Best of Bloody Bits: A sexy opening murder plus that one climatic head decimation that left us baffled with the ending.

99. I Know What You Did Last Summer (1997)

A classic 90s teen slasher released at the wake of the sub-genre's revival following a three teens and Jennifer Love Hewitt dumping a road kill body into the ocean instead, making a pact of secrecy and then dying a year later at the hands of someone in a rain slicker and with a hook.

Best of Bloody Bits: A worthwhile stalk and chase scene that had Sarah Michelle Gellar running for her life through a near-empty town while the fisherman slice and diced anybody that got in the way.

98. Bloody Bloody Bible Camp

A groovy retro-stab at the classic backwoods kill-a-thon with a lot of Religious satire, sinful sex scenes, and a whole lot of gory violence as a masked nun axes her way through horny teens at Bible Camp guided under the light of by Ron Jeremy as Jesus.

Best of Bloody Bits: That quippy little opening that looked a lot like the middle part of any Friday the 13th film, only with a hairy pussy and a guy being disemboweled while shittting.

97. The Tripper (2007)

What happens when you take a young lad from his father some time in the 60s and turn him into a brainwashed hippie-hating democratic Republican? A lot of dead hippies in a Free Love Festival done away by a loon in a Ronald Reagan mask which you can find only in this lovely homage of 70s hippie movies and backwoods slashers.

Best of Bloody Bits: A balls-out hippie hacking spree! (Complete with one legless butterball brat!)

96. Valentine (2001)

One underrated title that simply proves a point: never pick on the nerd, cuz sometimes nerds can come back in a Cupid's mask to kill your sorry ass one by one. Too bad our hapless Prima Donnas didn't think this one through.

Best of Bloody Bits: An intense opening murder at a morgue with a lot of Halloween (1978) influence, plus that drillbit nightmare with a shocking ending. (ba-dum-bum! tshh!)

95. The Children (Britain, 2008)

In this creepily intense shocker, a mysterious occurrence forces a vacationing family to fight for their lives when their Christmas Holiday is murderously threatened by the youngest of their loved ones.

Best of Bloody Bits: A mother finds out that her little angels ain't so angelic anymore when her kids began pulling down her earrings and brandishes a sharpened pencil.

94. Clownhouse (1989)

Chilling and creepy, Victor Salva's underrated slasher taps into your worst fears as a trio of face-painted escapees terrorizes three prepubescent boys in their own house.

Best of Bloody Bits: Goosebumps this way come as our coulrophobic lead gets the shock of his life in public, plus our killers apply what they learned in balloon animal-making

93. Laid To Rest (2009)

Story might be a little thin, but when a chrome-masked killer with a knack for making snuff films and shiny customized weapons knows how to deliver the some traditional gore, some flaws are bound to be ignored. (and sequels not to exist. So far)

Best of Bloody Bits: Too many to choose from, but I would say the best ones would be the "surprise gutting" and the the tire sealant kill.

92. The Hill Have Eyes (2006)

One part slasher film, one part survival splatterfest, Alexandre Aja's remake of Wes Craven's 1977 proto-slasher of the same name simply outdid almost everything the original did. Save, of course, some metaphorical symbolism behind it but if what you get is a gory exploitation in its place instead, I'm sure we can overlook this!

Best of Bloody Bits: two mutants perfectly planned a motor home raid, leading to an unsettling rape, a burning father and one traumatic shooting spree.

91. Neon Maniacs (1986)

Well, it may not count as a slasher for most of you, but if you fill a B-Horror with loads of humanoid monsters with their own gimmicky weapons and themes, that sounds pretty influenced to me. Especially if these guys are out to kill off and stalk teenagers in the night.

Best of Bloody Bits: Probably their massacres: one at the park and another at a Battle of the Bands party. Most preferably the party (gotta love a shoot-out!)

90-81 Coming up Next Week!

Cabin Fever: Patient Zero (2014)

Rating: **

Starring: Sean Astin, Currie Graham, Ryan Donowho

I've been bored by and disappointed in franchise entries so many times that I've learned, in order to keep myself feeling sulky at the end of a potential bomb, I had lower down my expectations every time a sequel or a remake happens. And yet, you can't stop to feel a bit of hype whenever you learn that a good franchise, or at least ones that you like, is gonna spat out sequels to keep you entertained and loyal, so goes my big feels for Cabin fever: Patient Zero, a sort of prequel that was marketed to be explaining origin of the virus. But will these feels be worth it?

Sigh. Apparently not.

First, no. It didn't explain the origin of the virus. It kinda tried, but all we get to know is that some random American vacationing on a Caribbean island with his family caught it first and we see the aftermath of this infection in the opening credits. Next thing you knew, this guy is being experimented on inside a secret medical base located in said islands, hoping to culture a vaccine or even a cure but being their guinea pig began to deteriorate his sanity and soon, he found a way to spread the virus as an act of revenge for keeping him locked up against his wishes.

All the while, friends Marcus, Dobs, Josh and Penny were vacationing on the same islands, unknown to them the real horrors going on behind the warm sun and sandy beaches. That was until one of them gets infected, and then another, forcing them to look for help deep into the jungle only to find the now near-barren and diseased base, wherein the last of the living (and possibly infected) scientists struggle to either find a cure or die trying.

The way I see this franchise, it's a little bit of something for everybody; the first is a backwoods horror that juggles a slasher plot with psychological horror and gruesome gore, while the second film was more of a splatstick with loads of retro-esque tone and even wilder splatter. Now some might find Patient Zero as an improvement over the last entry, harking back to the semi-serious tone of the original, I would bought it too if the execution wasn't so terrible.

What makes the first two Cabin Fever films so fun and intriguing to watch is that the virus attacked groups in the least likeliest of places. No one would expect a flesh-eating disease outbreak around a log cabin or during a high school prom night, but around a medical base? That just killed off the tension. What's even worse is that the movie really took its time to get moving, spending an entire hour with us watching people arguing whether its ethical to keep a man locked up inside a glass case while they casually take blood samples as if its nothing. This didn't help build any sense of tension or development to any character save "Patient Zero". Even our vacationing leads barely made an impact, they're simply just there, hanging around scared and confused.

After a while, the film did get to the gooey bits; zombie-like infecteds out killing people and dying in the process, chewed out lips, infected catfights, death by dildo (it's less silly as it sounds), all of this and more at the last half hour. Unfortunately, by around this time I'm nearly bored waiting for something really shocking. Yes the gore is top-notch, I'll give the movie that, but I was really hoping to see something a bit different from fragile faces and people vomiting blood. We'd seen all this already. (Could be just saying all this cuz I'm a big fan of Spring Fever, but I'm just saying...)

Can't diss Patient Zero completely seeing this is just the first half of what will be a back-to-back shot entry to the series. The other title, Outbreak, will follow directly from where this one ended so perhaps there could be more in the end? I sure hope so. For now, I'm barely passing this one; could it had done a better pacing and direction to go with the good gore, I'm sure this fever would had caught a decent amount of fire at least.

Bodycount:
1 male seen dead from infection
1 male seen with his back rotted open
1 female found dead from infection
1 male succumbs to infection, bled to death
A number of victims found dead from infection
1 male axed on the face
1 male gets a gun's nuzzle buried into his face
1 male had his jaw smashed off with a dead branch
1 female had her face smashed in with a dildo
1 female succumbs to infection, bled to death
1 male found shot on the head with a rifle
1 male shot on the neck
1 male shot to death
Total: 12+

Mortuary (1981) (AKA "Embalmed")
Rating: **1/2
Starring: Bill Paxton, Christopher and Lynda Day George

Mourning over her father's death at the hands of an obscured assailant with a baseball bat, Christine (Mary Beth McDonough) now has issues: apart from her sleepwalking habit, she also has to deal with a mother who appears to hate her a lot and a black hooded figure brandishing embalming needles that kept on chasing her.

She would believe she's losing her mind if it wasn't for the strange coincidence that her boyfriend, Greg, is now missing a friend. Tangled in this web of intrigue is a local mortician who Greg once spotted with his friend to be leading in a Satanic Mass and his bewildered son who merrily skips through his mother's grave after putting flowers on them. Could one of these people be the killer? Or is Christine really loosing her marbles?

The story of Mortuary juggles a fair amount of cheese and mystery, only the cheddar appears to be performing a lot better than the actual plot itself provided we get hammy roller-blade disco scenes, hammier scripting and a really dry ending that looks something like a cross between Psycho and Happy Birthday To Me. It's never that scary for this matter of a flaw but it did managed itself to be a little tense at times and it's charming given that you're into off-the-wall blurting, sleepwalking girls in nighties or is interested in seeing a young Bill Paxton do an impression of a demented Peewee Herman. Seeing that a supposed Black Mass resembles Musical Chairs that built up to nowhere, you would really think twice that this is a serious movie.

With all this strangeness going on, it did help go through the entire movie without being that bored with unproductive character development or waiting for the next stalk and/or kill scene. Mortuary's particularly dry as a slasher given its sheer focus on figuring out who the mad stabber is but nonetheless the chase scenes do made it worthwhile especially if your killer looked a lot like Captain Howdy from The Exorcist.

As weird as it is, Mortuary can be a fun movie when it fits your mood. Ignoring its unusual marketing (the video covers and one of its teaser trailers made it look like a zombie film), the film could be a choice addition to your collection, depending solely on how well do you take in your ham and cheese though.

Bodycount:
1 male bludgeoned with baseball bat
1 male ran through with an embalming needle
1 female stabbed to death with an embalming needle
1 male impaled through with an embalming needle
1 male axed on the back
Total: 5

House of Death (1982) ("Death Screams")

Rating: ***

Starring: Susan Kiger, Martin Tucker, William T. Hicks

A standard slasher can be a darn enjoyable one if it plays the important cards right.

Some group of teens volunteering on running the town fair that weekend decided to hang out later that night in the woods for some rest and relaxation. What they didn't know, however, is that a psycho had already murdered a kissing couple by garroted their necks together on these woods and now they might be next on his cutting list as he corners them inside a dilapidated cabin.

House of Death may look like just another slasher in the woods, and for all honesty it got to that point eventually but what sets this title apart from most is that it did took its time to build some likable cast and a good climax, even if the first two-thirds of the film could test your patience.

After the double murder in the opening act, we then spend the next hour or more watching our would-be thespians have fun running and playing around the fair, blissfully unaware of the floating dead couple and one teenager being shot with an arrow before being smothered to death with a plastic bag. Not exactly very slashery unless you count bouncy castles and high strikers frightening but it did got back to familiar footing once night falls and the kids venture into the woods.

Spooky stories were shared and old creaky houses were found, it soon leads up to the group finding one murdered friend followed by a series of machete madness. It's this payoff alone that made the wait worthwhile as wild assortments of hacked off body parts and clever set-pieces ravaged our victims one by one, though one might actually agree that the movie isn't particularly that scary or suspenseful as a whole.

Direction might be a little faulty and so goes to its some points of its plotting (the killer's motive is as randomly cuckoo as ever), but House of Death existed merely to entertain. True it holds nothing compared to heavy weights like Friday the 13th (1980) or even The Burning (1981), both of which also took their time brooding their way to a massacring climax, but on its own, its a gleefully fun dead teenager flick that saves the best for last that feels very rewarding for those who thought twice on ejecting this movie from their players.

Rented or owned, this one is a welcome lookie-look for slasher fans and completists alike.

Bodycount:
1 male and female garroted together with a noose
1 female shot on the back with an arrow, smothered with a plastic bag
1 male hacked with a machete
1 female had her throat cut with a machete
1 male found with throat cut
1 male decapitated with a machete
1 female hacked to death with a machete
1 male had his hands lopped off with a machete, left for dead in an empty grave
1 female cut in half
1 male had his throat cut with glass shard, later falls through window and had his head shot off
Total: 11

*As of 2014*

Inspired and tempted by this delicious countdown, Here be my personal Top 101 Slasher movies that really stood out the most!

Note: These are in no particular order (save the last ten) and they're all personal picks, so, nope. Your faves or your orders does not matter here! Muahahaha!...ha!

#101-91 Here

90. Toolbox Murders (2003)

A better effort from Tobe Hooper that manage to out-do the original crime-thriller shocker it is based on, Toolbox Murders took a gory stab on being a slasher with tenants living in a run-down hotel being hunted down in their apartments by a messed-up looking psycho with a penchant for powertools and black magic.

Bloody Best Bits: Loads! Apart from the Sheri Moon Zombie cameo, we also have a dying chick somehow nailgunned unto the ceiling, death by powdered lye and a guy being tortured to with a hedge trimmer to the spine.

89. Slumber Party Massacre (1982)

A fairly basic slasher with scantly clad girls being murdered by a random psycho with a powertool, diverting itself from the rest being one of the few misogynistic looking slasher films to be directed by a woman! She clearly knew the rules and knew how to make it fun!

Bloody Best Bits: After finding the pizza guy eyeless, one coed thinks with her stomach and wondered if the pizza's cold.

88. Some Guy Who Kills People (2011)

A sweet little revenge flick that had a slasher offing people who bullied him in highschool only to discover he's a dad to an estranged girl who ran away from her mum. Will he choose to be a killer or a parent seems to be interesting enough to keep you glued til' the ending.

Bloody Best Bits: A fatherly bonding between our titular guy who kills people, and his daughter through a game of basketball. Plus that bit about two cops with a possible reading problems really left me in stitches.

87. Friday The 13th (1980)

You can't beat this classic backwoods slasher and the first of a very popular franchise in the subgenre. When the would-be counselors of a "jinxed" camp decided to re-open it, they meet foul bloody ends at a hand of a machete wielding sicko who may have a thing or two against the place.

Bloody Best Bits: Kevin bacon being throated...with an arrow head!

86. The Collector (2009)

Part torture porn, part home invasion slasher, The Collector runs through the entire plot with much gutso and mean-spirited tone that it's fairly scary and really cool. A would-be thief turns into a struggling hero as he tries to save as captured family from a masked man with a talent for setting booby traps in so little time.

Bloody Best Bits: After watching a couple fondle each other, the titular killer easily made his way through one of them by shoving him into a room filled with bear traps. Also, there;s that cool "heated jar of roaches" scene.

85. President's Day (2010)

One indie slasher that's been on my list for a long time and the wait was well worth it as well-balanced comedy, mystery and gory kills awaits this B-Flick goodness following a student body election having its candidates killed off by a psycho in an Abraham Lincoln get-up.

Bloody Best Bits: I guess if they're crazy enough to go off killing people just for a student body election, then chopping up a wheelchair bound candidate shouldn't be a shocker for our killer. For us however...

84. Redd Inc. (2012 )

You think your boss is hell? Then you hadn't this guy. Kidnapping those responsible for putting him behind bars (which eventually leads to a mental asylum) a former company head kills off one captive at a time while going through them explaining his side of the story. Apparently, not all is what it seems.

Bloody Best Bits: The final fight. I won't say much so I wouldn't spoil the fun but our killer was really cool there!

83. Dark Ride (2006)

An underrated creeper, teens breaking into an abandoned dark ride goes face to face against a recently escaped nut who traps them inside and proceeds to hunt them. Really decent scares and gory kills soon follows.

Bloody Best Bits: a rent-a-cop discovers a new meaning for a "splitting headache"

82. Terror Train (1980)

After a prank set up by some frat boys puts him in a straight jacket years ago, a killer somehow found his way back to their graduation party and kill murder them one by one. Sounds basic? Well, did I mentioned this'll took place in a train? And the killer switches costumes with his victims? And jamie Lee Curtis is in here? Paranoiac Claustrophobic star action FTW!

Bloody Best Bits: trapped inside a caged room, Jamie Lee has to defend herself yet again against another slasher with an axe to grind.

81. Stitches (2012)

Zombie clowns with supernatural powers never been this fun thanks to Ross Noble's creepy performance as a clown gone bad beyond the grave out to seek deadly revenge against the tykes-turned-teens responsible to his death. Sure wished there's a bigger kill count though...

Bloody Best Bits: something I'm glad to call "2 Men 1 Air Pumper"

Numbers 80-71 Coming Up Next Week!

Not sure if it was smart to franchise a movie seven to eight years later since its release but you'll never know if some people will still remember a screaming and mauling torso that is Belial. Frank Henenlotter, the mad mind behind the original Basket Case (and Frankenhooker. And Brain Damage (1988)) weaves up a weirder follow-up to his gritty little creature/slasher hybrid, upscaling it to the point of sheer strangeness and comical proportions.

Basket Case 2 (1990)

Rating: **1/2

Starring: Kevin Van Hentenryck, Judy Grafe, Annie Ross

Continuing straight from where Basket Case (1982) had ended, Duane and his surgically removed, homicidal Siamese twin Belial somehow survived their fatal fall and is now taken in to a hospital to recover. However, Belial recovers quickly and telepathically controls his unconscious brother into sneaking them out only to be rescued by a strange matriarch named Granny Ruth and her granddaughter.

Turns out Mrs. Ruth runs a home for freaks like Belial and she's more than interested in taking care of the twins, giving them a place where they will feel welcome and even loved.

For Belial's case, love seems to had wormed its way somehow to him when he finds a "beautiful" freak just like him. When Duane came around, he's a little uneasy with this new development to his already strange life but nonetheless decided to stick around fir the mean time when he falls in love with Ruth's granddaughter and when he, along with Ruth and the rest of the freaks, found out someone is snooping around to uncover them.

Granny soon plots to take revenge on those who tries to exploit the freaks' existence and she will sic Belial at them with a mauling fury.

You would think that a slasher movie made back in the 80s that exploited the concrete jungle with blood and violence would fare better, but Basket Case 2 took the franchise to an entirely different direction; while the first film did had its fair amount of cheese, it still had that dark exploitation feel that's gritty and downright disturbing at times. It had a serious side but this sequel decided to throw it out and replaced it with a more cartoonish and comical tone as deranged characters, exaggerated deformities and silly development that turn a promising and fairly original slasher into a black comedy with gore and bodycount.

Majority of the movie focuses on the brother's plight after their exposure to the outside world. They became an instant celebrity over the media as their notorious killing spree began to take effect on them differently; Duane wishes to leave and start his life anew away as somebody "normal" while Belial wishes to stay and be with his new family. The story tries to move further into the matter but the eccentric tone really kept it from going anywhere. More or less, "colorful" deformities these freaks have is a clear indication that we're no longer watching a real horror film until the last half hour where people started to get killed.

I may sound disappointed, probably am, but I will give Basket Case 2 this: it's still crazy fun. As a follow-up to a gory and offbeat horror movie, it fails, but as a deranged abnormality that tries to be fun as it is silly, it kinda works. The acting is a lot better (save for Kevin Van Hentenryck. Might just be his character, though. For a guy who's getting tired of living with a bunch of freaks he sure acts like one) and the effects are eye candy especially if it meant a better looking Belial, a house full of freaks and one strange scene that involves two torsos humping each other's sides. (not sure myself how that works, too) The murder scenes are kinda tame but a few of them are quite memorable.

Stranger than before, horror is almost lost in this unnecessary follow-up and it makes you wonder why exactly this exists. And yet here it is, Basket Case 2, entertaining you in an entirely different way while still being messy and messed-up.

Bodycount:
1 male strangled
1 male mauled offscreen
1 male mauled to death
1 male found with his mouth ripped apart
1 male had a portion of his face ripped off
1 female had her face mangled to a stretch
1 female falls to her death
1 baby killed in fall
Total: 8

Basket Case 3: The Progeny (1991)

Rating: ***1/2

Starring: Kevin Van Hentenryck, Annie Ross, Gil Roper

And a messed-up story continues. Only this appears to be a lot weirder than the last.

Last time we saw Duane, he went crazy after finding out that the new girl of his dreams has a snapping reptilian of a baby fetus living in and out of her womb, accidentally kills her and then sews Belial back unto his side claiming that they're together again. (Answering your questions, yes, that counted as a spoiler, and no, I didn't made anything up in there)

A few months went by since this fateful night, it turns out Duane was somehow subdued and had Belial safely removed from him, after which their new caretaker Granny Ruth then placed the now crazy Duane to a quite room built into the house. She now explains to him that he's an uncle as Belial's deformed love is now pregnant.

Obviously after his stunt, Duane's not too well accepted by Belial's new family of freaks by the time they allowed him to be brought out and see his brother but thankfully that didn't stop them from tagging him along as they visit a family friend one road trip away from them, a doctor who specializes on treating freaks. One silly sing-a-long later, they reach their destination and Duane's silly antics unfortunately attracts the attention of a local girl who's father is the sheriff. When the local police force soon found out that the freaks responsible for the Time Square murders are around, they make haste on capturing Belial (or at least the next best thing, his babies!) for reward money.

Paths are soon crossed and this time Belial might not be the only one standing up against those threatening his family.

A little better in terms of eccentricity than the previous entry, The Progeny gave a healthier share of body weirdness and raunchy comedy that further staples this franchise's decent into black comedy territory. New freaks are introduced and funnier scenes showcased them singing a lovely song about personality, partying to celebrate the birth of Belial's babies and them finally making their presence known in public by ransacking (and placing a series of orders) at a local fastfood joint. If that ain't enough, we also have a weird dream sequence Belial had that may show he has a sophisticated side and a love for big tits, and climatic fight that kinda reminds me of that between Ripley and the Alien Queen in Aliens.

Then there's the kills; probably a the best in the franchise, The Progeny brought up some really bizzare murders as their cartoonish style bought up one hellish massacre that is both juicy and laughable.

My only complain here is that there isn't much characters here to relate to; Granny Ruth will be an exception to this claim. This character shined brighter in this sequel than she did in her debut movie, but Duane's been reduced to a bumbling fool who's trying his best to make up for what he did to his twin brother, and much of the "normal" characters are all jerks. Although seeing the message given at the end of the film, guess this was intentional and well fitting to the non-serious tone of the sequels.

While I'm still wondering the necessity of these sequels to the original, I'm willing to overlook this fact as long as I'm having fun watching them. Might be a bit of a rocky path to start with but it's closes the franchise quite well with this wild and imaginative finale.

Thank you for reading and have a Nice Day!

Bodycount:
1 female shot with a shotgun
1 male had his neck crushed until his skull nearly pops out
1 male bitten on the face and yanked until beheaded
1 female shot with s shotgun
1 baby crushed
1 male had his head twisted to the back
1 male killed with a metal claw
1 male killed with a metal claw
1 male mauled to death
1 male mauled on the face
Total: 10

Lucky Little Torso

Sloppy The Psychotic (2012)
Rating: ***
Starring: Mike O'Mahony, James Costa, Lauren Ojeda

From Mike O' Mahoney, the sonovabitch that brought us that wildly entertaining Deadly Detour (2011), comes another slasher that doubles as a big middle finger to restricted and tamed massacres.

When Mike, a luckless man working as a cheerful clown gets a slight disagreement with one of his clients, the incident was reported and blown out of proportion to the point this poor sap loses his job. Going down a downward spiral, Mike goes on a drinking spree and ended up murdering a girl later that night. This somehow awakened his bloodlust and he soon rampages through everybody that wronged him, eventually working his way into killing innocent bystanders the further his sanity crumbles.

While Mahoney's debut is more of a straight-up backwoods slasher that follows the rules and cliches religiously, Sloppy The Psychotic is faster in pacing, better in acting, and hails a sizable number of random murders enough to have it considered as death porn. You would usually think a colossal body count is a shallow reason to praise a horror movie this bad but the direction in this had so much energy you can't help but respect it somehow, especially seeing that Mahoney himself multi-tasked this labor of bloody love as he wrote the story and took the role of Sloppy himself. (kinda explains why he and his star character share the same name)

The further the movie goes, the more erratic it becomes; some gross-out gags and black humor is tossed around fairly to even up what could been a mean-spirited shlock, especially if it pokes around in murdering mentally handicapped adults in wheelchairs and massacring an entire party full of kids with a lawnmower and a barbecue grill. The effects around these parts still looks a little cheap but it's juicy enough to keep a gorehound watching and goes by to the next quite quickly in its short running time.

The gripe around this is that, underneath the blood red goodness and charred-up kids, there's really no story. Like how The Final Destination is simply "just about " about survivors dying after cheating death or how Nikos The Impaler is "just about" about a rampaging barbarian loose in modern New York killing people, this one is "just about" about a clown killing people after he lost his mind being fired (and a little too quickly if I may add) and that's pretty much it. But if I had to choose one of the two, I would say Sloppy's more inclined to Nikos, for being sickly fun in an illogical, suspiciously convenient and raunchy term.

Yes. Raunchy.

It's not something that will appeal to everybody (and by everybody I meant normies and horror fans who prefer a milder approach to their movies) but if you're the kind of person looking for an easy fix for bloody bodycounting, then Sloppy The Psychotic is messed-up, stupid, offensive, inappropriate and really, really fucked-up DIY horror cheapo. Stick around for these reasons alone and in the near end, you'll love every minute of it!

Bodycount:
1 female bashed on the head with a beer bottle, killed
1 male drowned in a puddle
1 male stabbed to death with a bread knife, disemboweled
1 female found beheaded
1 male skewered through the arse with a cane
1 female skewered through the mouth with a cane
1 female got her throat mutilated with a shoved and pulled razor-lined handkerchief
1 male castrated with a bowie knife
1 male ran over with a car
1 male hit with a car
1 male got his head ran over with a car
1 male got his head blown apart with an exploding cigar
1 female got her throat cut with a toy-hidden switchblade
2 females and 1 male poisoned
1 boy stuffed inside a barbecue grill, burned alive
1 female shot
1 girl had her head stomped to a pulp
1 girl stabbed to death with a sharpened plank
1 boy ran through with a lawnmower
6 boys and 4 girls poisoned
1 male and 1 female skeleton seen
2 males shot
Total: 35

You guys can see it, right? Right?

Deadly Games (1982) (AKA "The Eliminator", Who Fell Asleep")
Rating: **1/2
Starring: Alexandra Morgan, Jo Ann Harris, Sam Groom

Going back to her home town after hearing the news that her sister died on an accident, journalist Keegan (Jo Ann Harris) decided to stay a while and catch up with her old friends who hadn't seen her in years. She also began a relationship with the local sheriff, Roger, who suspected the death to be far from accidental. True enough, somebody in a balaclava begins to stalk and murder women around town, each killings apparently inspired by a certain game that involved Universal monsters.

It's a pretty cheap and simple movie, Deadly Games mashed together elements of a thriller, melodrama and slasher horror, shifting tones from scene to scene that ended up with mixed results. At times you'll be laughing at the cheesy romantic approach as montages of lovey-dovey moments between Keegan and Roger play along a hammy-lined ballad, then the next thing you know, you could be on the edge of your seat watching a killer stalk and murders a victim. It's a good way to keep us from expecting the usual fare of slasher trappings of methodical murders but it admittedly killed off some any better sense of dread up until the last third of the film, which by then took a generally grim turn as those cheeky dramatics are suddenly dropped off and went on to something unsettling.

Since the film had no idea what to focus on, the entire run felt disjointed; the killer isn't striking and the murders are quite tame, as a slasher this is no sign of being a big winner and at a time I thought I was watching a made-for-TV production, but at least some of the performances around Deadly Games was good, just going off a tad questionable at times (her sister's dead and yet our lead just waltz in town catching up with some old friends as if nothing big happened) and there's some good camera work that goes quite well with the darkened scenes.

Hate it or love it, Deadly Games is a fondue pot of mismatched proportions. Some part worked but the sum of it all was hardly memorable.

Bodycount:
1 female crashes through a window, fell to her death
1 female drowned
1 female strangled
1 female buried alive
1 male shot
1 female murdered offcamera
Total: 6

The Cheerleader Massacre (2003)
Rating: **
Starring: Tamie Sheffield, Charity Rahmer, Erin Byron

I decided to watch this film answering my influxes as a completist; I'd seen the first three of the Slumber Party Massacres prior to this one and as far as I can tell I enjoyed all of them. (Yes, that includes the much dreaded Slumber Party Massacre II. The one with the musical. In fact, I think I enjoyed that one the most!)

Deciding to finish off what I started, I watched this supposedly last entry to the series but apart from a cameo of a Slumber Party Massacre star and a flashback using a stock footage from one of those films, I'm starting to doubt that fact.

News of an escaped killer sends local police out searching for him, hoping to prevent history from repeating itself as said escapee, Jeremiah McPherson, had terrorized their town many moons ago. Unfortunately, that may become the case when some girls get stranded in the middle of the road and found shelter from an incoming snowstorm on an abandoned cabin up in the woods. Soon there girls are offed by an obscured assailant, which hardly used any drills at all. (Hmm, no drills. That's strike two.)

Hardly an original production, The Cheerleader Massacre is a sad attempt to do a retro looking massacre film, fueling itself with a high run of gratuitous nudity and sleaze while letting go of more important factors like story and, for a slasher, creative killings. As much as I love big tits and soft asses, this is hardly a sell for a film that should have been focusing on horrible thrills and brooding tension, especially for a movie that kept marketing itself as the third sequel to the original Slumber Party Massacre.

The plot hardly reinvented the tired old story, goofed up by a lot of holes and is criminally bloodless with most of the murders either implied or very uninspired. The only thing that shines bright from this (and this is a very small flicker of light) is that the acting's a little decent for a D-grade flick and there's some neat attempt to change around who lives and who dies. The reveal in the end's humorously twisty, though, with at least possible suspects popping up in the least expected places.

Would have, could have, should have; The Cheerleader Massacre tries its best to live up to its promise as a worthy entry to one popular slasher franchise but its lack of popcorn goodness and well worth slashing exchanged for nudity made for twelve-year olds who wants to get their hands dirty stripped this film off any good reason for a viewing, unless you're open for a bad D-Grade slasher film with sense of production or continuity.

That, or you are a twelve-year old.

Bodycount:
1 male knifed to death
1 female impaled on a staff
1 female killed offscreen
1 female fell to her death off a broken rope bridge
1 male missing, killed
1 female neck broken
1 male hacked with hatchet
1 male beheaded
1 male strangled with scarf
1 female electrocuted
1 female killed
1 female drove off a bridge, immolated in explosion
1 female decimated inside a blown house
Total: 13

Did I ever mentioned, among all of the horror icons I grew up with, none of them disturbed me the most like the Tall Man?

I have my reasons but now, guess he'll be coming back...

For all of us fans.

#101-91 Here

# 90-81 Here

80. Bride of Chucky (1998)

After his death through a giant turbine (my fave Chucky death in the whole series), the killer doll returns, patched up into a new Goth-Punk look and even snags a bride in this side-tracked franchise entry that puts Chucky into a realm of satirical black comedy thanks to the 90s Self-reference shtick. Not that it's a bad thing of course!

Bloody Best Bits: Apart from the Doll Sex? This exchange:

Lead (Jesse if you want to go into details): How'd you end up like this?

Tiffany: It's a long story.

Chucky: Let me put it this way. If this were a movie, it would take three or four sequels to do it justice.

Cracked me up every time!

79. See No Evil (2006)

A hulking psycho with a thing for plucking out eyes somehow returns after being shot on the head, hunting down delinquents tasked to clean up and renovate a murky old hotel. Simple and savage. Just the way I like it!

Bloody Best Bits: Bitchy shoplifters are always a pest and our killer couldn't agree more. His solution? Death by cellphone!

78. Maniac Cop (1988)

A classic Action-slasher hybrid that brings out B-flick stars Tom Atkins and Bruce Campbell against a wrongfully accused and superhuman ex-cop out for blood through the city.

Bloody Best Bits: Who needs a bridge if you could just kill a guy with wet cement the way our titular killer did?

77. Silent Night (2012)

My advice on how to love this film? Forget that it's a loose remake of Silent Night, Deadly Night (1984)! Seriously, this holiday slasher boasts a pretty neat stand-alone comeuppance for everybody naughty in a small sleepy town as an effectively intimidating Santa slasher shreds, burns and mutilates his way through them.

Bloody Best Bits: Hohoho, where will I start? A spoiled brat electrocuted with a cattle prod, a thieving (and perverted) pastor gets some chopped fingers, a cool head split. My list goes on!

76. Wolf Creek (2005)

Three backpackers find themselves under the mercy of a deranged local with torture in his mind. Incredibly intense and grim despite it's low kill count, this true event-based Ozploitation introduces a new memorable face to the ever growing rouge gallery of slasher villains, with an equally haunting story to boot!

Bloody Best Bits: That classic "THAT'S a Knife" quote from Crocodile Dundee suddenly sounded painful now after said knife made a "Head on a Stick"

75. Slaughter High (1986)

After being disfigured by an April Fools prank gone too far, those responsible finds themselves invited to a ruse party years later only to be bumped off by a really pissed off nerd. An underrated gem with a fairly confusing ending, but boasts great kills for deserving vitims.

Bloody Best Bits: Nothing seems to faze these bastards: after seeing two or three of their friends got killed off, a couple had the audacity to have sex later that night. Well, let's see if three thousand bolts will do the trick!

74. The Funhouse (1981)

The Tobe Hooper 80s cult classic that dished out awesome visuals and a workably chaotic backdrop, two couples suddenly got themselves in a deadly situation when they became witnesses to a murder and the horrendously deformed murderer sets out to kill them off.

Bloody Best Bits: The grand unmasking. Which happens halfway into the movie but for a good reason...

73. Stagefright/ Deliria (1987)

A very basic slasher about an escaped loon sneaking his way into a soundstage to kill off all the performers there, what made this quite memorable among others of its kind would be the artsy flair, giallo-esque camera work and lighting, flavorfully mixed in with juicy, bloody red killings.

Bloody Best Bits: After axing one of their own in mistake of him being the killer, a group dwindle down by two when the owl-masked loonie tears one in half and eviscerates another with a chainsaw. All in one scene!

72. My Super Psycho Sweet 16 (2009)

Perhap's MTV's only worthy baby for me (wow, dare myself to say that five times?) a satirical take on our desires to see nasty spoiled bitches get what's coming to them, one bloody slaying to the next. Shockingly bloody for a TV film!

Bloody Best Bits: The opening murder, where The Lord of the Rink gets even on some jerkass and then his bystander girlfriend. Hence, luvs, why you should never hang out with jerks.

71. Idle Hands (1999)

A stoner comedy laced with supernatural shenanigans, zombified bestbuds who're too lazy to go to heaven (no really!) and one angry murderous hand. Yep, perfect Halloween slasher for the kicks!

Bloody Best Bits: Aside from seeing a band lead get scalped in public, there's something about evilly possessed puppets that gets me chuckling.

70-69 Coming Up Next Week!

Severance (Britain, 2006)

Rating: ****

Starring: Danny Dyer, Laura Harris, Tim McInnerny

The early 2000s was a pretty good year for European horror: Dog Soldiers brought some spark back to the werewolf sub-genre, Shaun of the Dead pays decent tribute to classic zombie clichés and The Descent got creative by bringing us a new reason to be afraid of the dark. As for slashers, those years were a Godsend: Creep (2004) had us crawling through the underground subways to meet a deformed abortionist and psycho, The Last Horror Movie twists and turned our fave sub-genre against us and Ripper (despite my unfavorable views to it) somehow gathered its own set of fans.

Coming from the same guy behind Creep, Christopher Smith forges another slasher in 2006, dashing in some witty British humor and a sweet Action film backdrop that may not reinvent the sub-genre but entertains either way.

Opening in media res, two Russian speaking women and a fat bloke are apparently chased by someone in the woods. As the women fell into a pit trap, the other got snared and got disemboweled by a husky looking hand clutching a hunting knife.

After that cold opening, we then follow a group of seven co-workers from the European Sales division of Palisade, a defense military arms corporation, on a bus trip to a weekend team-building "Luxury Lodge" deep into the Matra mountains of Hungary. Early on this scene we can tell who's who that are biting on another's leg and those that are trying to make the weekend work, a fact soon to be tested further as, thanks to a fallen tree, the group is forced by their non-English speaking bus driver to walk all the way to their destination and then finds out that said lodge was more of an isolated and dusty old cabin. (With a free pie!)

Over the course of a single evening, the gang settles in and shares conspiracy stories about their lodge after finding Palisade papers indicating their involvement on war atrocities some years ago. Of course, for them this is all bollocks. That was until later that night, one of them spots a masked man spying on her room and signs of somebody's presence was found nearby.

Rattled, the group then plans to leave on the following morning, finding first a way to callback their bus driver while those that are left behind decides to continue with their weekend plans either way. But after finding their driver mutilated and left for dead on a stream nearby, and one of their pal's leg got caught and cut off by a placed bear trap, the office outing just got bloody as someone with a deep hate for Palisade is out to get snuff them off one by one.

While most examples of horror comedy often loses track on their flow and becomes an uneven mess, Severance managed to keep the two genres stable and fairly distributed as a tone through out the plot. The only thing that matters now is how well you understand and take in the kind of humor this movie have; the comedy here relies on dry wit and dark touches as people die in very brutal manners such as chopped off heads, incineration by flamethrowers and one nasty anal stabbing, and yet laced in with some comical backlashes that can't help but give you some chuckles such as exchanges whether it's okay to leave a what could be a dying man to save themselves or a scene where a freshly decapitated head smiles at the fact that his theory about beheadings are proven true.

Mind that this is all done without exaggerating the gore and over the top lewdness that are commonly looms over most slasher-comedies, thus breaking away from the usual clichés that proves to be a refreshingly bold move. Instead of loud annoying teens, the soon to be victimized are all working adults played by choice-cut stars that may have appeared on a UK broadcast before, but for viewers who're not familiar with English programming, these casts may as well be unfamiliar yet praise-worthy faces. (I recognize Richard as Tim McInnerny, though, from Disney films and an episode of the revived Dr. Who series) The roles they play are fleshed out and (for most) likable, if not entertainly disposable given their fates, thanks to a really strong and realistic script (which reminds a lot of folks of a comedy show called The Office), and relatable performances.

Slicing its way in a quick-cut pacing and harboring a decent twist for a slasher villain, or villains, Severance has a distinctive flow that gets better as the movie forges further. Some hints of action and survival elements are thrown in the near end while still retaining some of the comedy and even brought up some interesting final characters.

In the end, Severance proves itself to be an slight improvement of the director's earlier slasher, and when I mentioned slight, I meant Creep was a great movie, but this is better! (I'm a big fan of Creep. I dunno but that movie works for me almost as good as Severance did!) Though some may complain that the jokes are a little too dark or may have dwindle down the cathartic aftermath of each murder, fans of smart humor and bloody good backwoods horror will sure to have something to remember thereafter.

Let's just hope it isn't a gold-filled tooth in a pie, or a bloody severed leg in an icebox.

Bodycount:

1 male slaughtered with a hunting knife
1 body seen buried underneath a mound
1 male found slaughtered
1 male beheaded with a machete
1 female set on fire with a flamethrower
1 male flayed alive with a carving knife
1 male shot on the chest with a shotgun
1 male ran through the back with a machete, shot on the head with shotgun
1 male shot with shotgun
3 males blown apart by a land mine
A number of passengers on a (passing by) commercial jet blown up with a rocket
1 male had his head crushed with a dropped rock
1 male shot dead with a submachine gun
1 male forced to sit unto a stabbed hunting knife to the arse
1 male shot death with a submachine gun
Total: 16+

Sorry Dudes and Dudettes, but uncle Admin here's a little busy at work, eyeing to buy himself a collectible doll, and is being too artistic to think up an April Fools prank to you all. Not that I was good at it to begin with, though...

So, for this year, how about we relax a bit, soak up some sunshine out in the street and OH MY GOD! THEY GOT AN HD VERSION OF THAT APRIL SONG FROM KILLER PARTY!!!!

Oh shit, these dudes rock...

wait a second, there's a real band called White Sister too?

#101-91 Here

# 90-81 Here
#80-71 Here

70. A Bay of Blood (Italy, 1971)

One of the more notorious entry to the giallo sub-genre doubling as a twisty take on a proto-slasher, complete with overly gruesome killing and random teenagers tossed in for a heightened count as a group of money-grabbers have their bloodlust awakened when a large sum of land is suddenly up for grabs!

Bloody Best Bits: I could go with the crowd and say that the scene involving a skewered couple would be my fave scene, but I'm actually gonna go with the opening scene here. You can't beat the twist of of having the a murdered killed moments later after he'd done the dirty deed!

69. TAG: The Assassination Game (1982)

The very slasher film that proved my point that it's not always about the weapon that makes a slasher film but rather it is format! In a campus where assassinating someone with a toy gun is the latest craze, one obsessed participant gets too much into the game and began shooting people dead for real after refusing defeat.

Bloody Best Bits: A really intense moment where our gunner sneaks behind the bleachers to kill off a target during broad daylight, in front of a small crowd!

68. Jason X (2001)

I still don't understand why the lukewarm approach to this? Maybe in par with Jason Takes Manhattan in terms of cheesiness, but Jason X still drove a powerful adrenaline when it comes to futuristic mayhem. After being cryogenically encased for decades, time may have changed but the old slaughtering ways still proves to be as dangerous as Jason wakes up homicidal inside a research ship in deep space.

Bloody Best Bits: Jason goes hand-to-hand against with a cyborg babe, leading to his momentary death and his revival: As an Upgraded Cyborg!

67. Pumpkinhead (1988)

It may have a 7 foot tall monster but Pumpkinhead used enough of our clichés and backdrops to be included and considered as a slasher! After his beloved son dies from an accident, a grieving father made a deal with a witch and summons a powerful demon to sic vengeance at those responsible.

Bloody Best Bits: That tear-jerking performance by Lance Henriksen as his character cradles and washes his dead son's body. (I blame the beautiful score that went on during this, too!)

66. Chopping Mall (1986)

When a trio of new-age security robots (for its time) malfunction due to a freak lightning storm, it spells nothing but bad news for eight couples who decided to stay in after mall hours as these killbots are packing heat! Best served with a bowl of freshly popped popcorn smothered in cheese sauce!

Bloody Best Bits: A classic kill: chick's head got blown up by a laser.

65. Evil Dead Trap (Japan, 1988)

A late 80s slasher entry from the Land of the Rising Sun, a small group of co-workers from a TV Station decides to play detective and solve the mystery involving a snuff tape delivered to them one night. What they find in the murder scene, however, was far more dangerous than they imagined.

Bloody Best Bits: The tape itself is rather disturbing to watch. Then there's the impaling scene that looks awfully well-done. (Japan and your ultra-violence! What will you think of next?)

64. All The Boys Love Mandy Lane

Invited to hang out on some boy's ranch over the weekend, Mandy Lane somehow lured in a psycho with a romatic obsession and will kill anybody that gets in his way. A sleepy little dead-teen flick that looks refreshingly calm, almost eerie and uneasy if you dwell in it.

Bloody Best Bits: A killer thinks resourcefully as he saves a single bullet when he uses a shotgun to mutilate a girl's mouth. (Wait til' you hear how it sounds, too!)

63. Sorority Row (2009)

A supposed "re-imagining" of the cult classic "The House on Sorority Row" that's better off as a stand-alone movie, just like Silent Night (2012), which still features a group of girls being killed off one by one in link to a murder they themselves committed and kept quiet about for some time.

Bloody Best Bits: A champagne bottle shoved down to a throat before our hapless victim got her neck punctured. Talk about overkill, mate!

62. House of Wax (2005)

Sure it's nothing subtle, but this in-name-only "remake" of a Vincent Price classic delivers all the gooey goods a slasher can offer! A group of teens en-route to a football game painfully discovers a small town's secret, as mad killers with a talent for making life-like wax figures began to add them to their collection of macabre masterpieces.

Bloody Best Bits: Oh, where to start? The entire "waxing scene" was dreadfully fun. Then there's Paris Hilton getting a rusty pipe through her head. More of the latter actually...

61. Gutterballs (2008)

A cult fave of the trashiest kind, when a pantyless bowler gets raped after hours in a disco-themed bowling joint, the following night spells bloody vengeance to those responsible, and those who just happens to be around, when a bowling-bag wearing maniac starts to pick them off in various bowling-themed murders. Not for the weak of stomach, ideologically sensitive and lovers of bowling!

Bloody Best Bits: I hate rapists. So imagine my glee when one of them gets anally raped with a sharpened bowling pin!

Top 60-51 Coming Up Next Week!

The Night of the Killer Telephone Repair Guy: Hacked Off (2005)

Where the rail road Ends?: Jack the Reaper (2011)

One Virgin on Ice, please!: Chastity Bites (2013)

Severed Handies: Splatter Farm (1987)

Let's Write a Movie: Baghead (2008)

A tale of 40 Whacks: Lizzie Borden's Revenge (2013)

101 Maniacs: Admin's Top Slashers 2014

Less Cabin, More Fever?: Cabin Fever: Patient Zero (2014)

Satan's Fondue Pot: Mortuary (1981)

Carnival First! Then The Woods!: House of Death (1982)

101 Maniacs: Admin's Top Slashers 90-81

Granny Ruth's Freak-A-Porium: Basket Case 2 (1990) and 3: The Progeny (1991) Double Bill Review

Pop goes the Weasel. And Pop's head: Sloppy The Psychotic (2012)

A Die Roll to your Death: Deadly Games (1982)

Not Another Teen Massacre: The Cheerleader Massacre (2003)

About F*cking Time...

101 Maniacs: Admin's Top Slashers 80-71

Death to Palisade!!!: Severance (2006)

The Laziest April Fools Post EVUH

101 Maniacs: Admin's Top Slashers 70-61