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101 Maniacs: Admin's Top Slashers 30-21

May 26, 2014, 4:30 am
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*As of 2014*

Inspired and tempted by this delicious countdown,  Here be my personal Top 101 Slasher movies that really stood out the most!

Note: These are in no particular order (save the last ten) and they're all personal picks, so, nope. Your faves or your orders does not matter here! Muahahaha!...ha!


30. Terror (1978)
Another criminally underrated and under-discussed slasher involving the cast and crew that worked on a horror movie about a witch's curse being killed off by a knife wielding assailant nd plenty of gruesome accidents. Pretty much one of the earlier stepping stone for supernatural bodycount films!

Bloody Best Bits: The climax's poltergeist attack that must be seen to be believed!

29. A Nightmare on Elm Street 3: Dream Warriors
One of the true worthwhile entry after Freddy Krueger got his lime light as one of mainstream's hottest and most recognized monster, wherein we watch a group of insomniacs in a clinic getting picked off by the man of their nightmares.

Bloody Best Bits: Freddy goes sky god on us as he puppeteers a poor chap into falling.

28. Superstition
The melting pot of horror sub-genres that deserves a lot more credit for doing things right and entertainingly cheesy. When a lake's drained and an antique cross was taken out of its place, the spirit of a demonic witch unleashes a fury of bloodshed and mayhem to an unsuspecting family and everybody else that got in the way.

Bloody Best Bits: Too many to pick just one; we got a cool microwaved head, a cheesy witch drowning flashback, a man gets eviscerated by a flying buzzsaw, and perhaps my personal fave, a "staked head"

27. Hatchet
Gooey gore and old school slaughtering never looked so, well, gory! Adam Green's infamous splatter slasher showcased an unlikely group of tourist getting stranded in a haunted swamp that also happens to be the hunting ground of a deranged, misshapen killer hick.

Bloody Best Bits: a well done jaw ripping with a practical and editing effect to beat.

26. Wrong Turn
A bare bone plot about some teens being hunted down by a trio of really deformed mountain men. Nothing complex or hard to swallow, just your typical backwoods slasher. One good reason to love it, honestly.

Bloody Best Bits: Somehow escaping into the thick branches atop of a tree, what was left of the group find themselves stalked by one of the freaks

25. Alice Sweet Alice
Perhaps the one slasher movie that turned me into a lapsed church goer with a religious skeptic view, a Catholic community is shaken when a young girl was murdered inside a church on what could have been her first communion. What soon follows is an investigation that leads to twists, turns and a whole lot of guilt.

Bloody Best Bits: The stairway attack is pretty nasty considering what was being stabbed then. Also calling in the best scene shot would be the murder of a horribly obese man.

24. Final Destination 5
Surviving a collapsing bridge, a group of survivors find themselves hunted by death itself, playing along with a new set of rules on who lives or dies. Simply the best of all the sequels made for the franchise, featuring gloriously intense deaths, some characters worth rooting for, and one of the best surprise twist ending in slasher history.

Bloody Best Bits: The bridge premonition is simply tight, and too the first post-premonition death. Also, I don't know if this counts, but the opening credit is also the best I'd seen.

23. Happy Birthday To Me
Fairly two hours long but worth it, the film had a group of wealthy students being picked off one by one by an assailant with seemingly no motive. Caught here is one survivor of an accident some years ago that nearly killed her if not for a risky operation on her brain. Perhaps this is linked to the murders?

Bloody Best Bits: The most of the kills are memorable for their novelty; one gets his face shredded on a running motorbike, another got killed with barbells, but the best would be the kish-kabob kill. Cringe Medal worthy!

22. The Prowler
Pacing issues aside, The Prowler's a fan favorite for plenty of good reason, including realistic effects, hardcore brutality and a really cool looking killer. Celebrating their first dance after a bloody incident some years ago, a killer in a veteran's suit suddenly arrives to murder away some of these nubile teens.

Bloody Best Bits: Pictured above: a boy gets a nasty bayonet impalement which is brutally kept there until the killer's sure he's dead.

21. My Bloody Valentine (1981)
Similarly plotted with The Prowler but otherwise more superior; thinking it's about time to lay down the "town curse" to rest, a small community decided it's high time to celebrate Valentines the proper way again ever since some people were murdered years ago in vengeance to those who died in the mines. Unfortunately, someone is making sure the legend of a Valentine-hating killer lives on and a high death toll soon follows.

Bloody Best Bits: When an old geezer-slash-doomsayer decided to prank some partygoers with a fake Killer Miner suit, he didn't expect the real one to show up and put his pickaxe to through a good view.

Top 20 to 10 Coming Soon

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A Question I don't wanna Answer: Do You wanna Know a Secret (2001)

May 29, 2014, 5:14 pm
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Do You Wanna Know A Secret (2001)
Rating: 0
Starring:Michael Sarysz, Dorie Barton, Joseph Lawrence
 
Waste my time with a bad movie, I say. Who knows, maybe you'll like it, I say! Why can't I just tell myself to skip a movie you already know that is bad?

Experience? Well, there's that, but after spending an hour and twenty something minutes with this movie, I highly doubt I wanted to keep said "experience". Here's why:

The plot had us looking into yet again another group of partying teens in Spring Break, offed one by one by a cloaked killer with a ridiculous-looking mask, leaving a message for the kids: Do You Wanna Know a Secret? Honestly, I don't give a flying feather what it is if it takes 40 minutes into the film before anything interesting happens but it may have something to do with one of their friend that got axed a year ago.

But seriously, no one in here deserves my attention; they're plain rowdy teens who wants to party, drink and fuck until the end of time (or the end of Spring Break. Or the end of their life. Whichever one goes first), who barely felt any remorse for their dead buddy. For all it's worth, I would really want to see these kids die off in an entertaining manner in a slasher standard and yet even that the film fails to provide that with its cheap throat cuts and criminally high count of offscreen kills.
 
What's worse than dull characters and kills? How about a plodding direction? Or a lame-as-ass twist ending that barely felt inspired? The kind that makes you roll your eyes and shrug in disappointment that these guys can't even make up a good reason for their killer to be chopping off heads, so they have to rip it off from another movie. (Mortuary (1981) anyone?)

Yes, this is barely a functioning slasher for my standard and it deserves to be forgotten into non-existence. Do You Wanna Know a Secret? No, so wank off, you wannabe movie!
 
Bodycount:
1 male hacked with an axe
1 male knifed to death, words carved on chest
1 female found with throat cut
1 female gets a throat cut with hunting knife
1 male gets a throat cut with hunting knife
1 male and 1 female murdered off camera
1 male found beheaded
1 male impaled with a candle holder, shot to death
Total: 9
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The Little Prairie Death House: Sisters of Death (1976)

June 7, 2014, 3:31 am
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Sisters of Death (1976) (AKA "Death Trap", "Death Time", "Death Time House")
Rating: *
Starring: Arthur Franz, Claudia Jennings, Cheri Howell 

It all began with an initiation involving what was a fake gun being shot over the heads of the new pledges to test their trust and loyalty. That is until they found out that a live bullet is inside one of its chambers and shot one of the pledges dead.

Panic soon subsided as these girls drifted apart into their own lives until they're all invited to a reunion seven years after the incident. With an additional promise of $500 to pay for their expenses, the girls soon catches up and finds out the sinister truth about their invites: revenge.

It's no mean a traditional slasher as while the premises of trapped girls being bumped off one by one by a killer sounds promising for a bodycount film, most of the classic trappings of the sub-genre are missing in Sisters of Death. There's no need for POV shots since the killer is identified no sooner as the host reveals himself as the father of the murdered girl halfway into the movie and the killings only began after since. Odd enough, this movie makes me wonder on what it was aiming for as everybody here are hardly believable in a cheesey-corny manner; normally everybody will try to outwit and find a way to survive a loon but one of these girls found the time to take a shower or thought it was a swell idea to spell "SOS" in the middle of a desert. (Yes, the latter does sound like a good idea but judging of the size of the sign they made, I really doubt anybody will notice it) It's like these casts are begging to be killed and apparently ole' pap knows this cuz he is confident enough to spend some of his onscreen time making bullets and practicing his flute solo. (that last part wasn't a joke)

Can't say it's going to impress hardcore slasher fans too as majority of the kills are bloodless and some are even done off camera. It did use some good atmosphere that goes well with the movie's 70's grit but honestly, this is relatively little praise compared to the number of flaws Sister of Death had spat at us. Unless you prefer to enjoy bad movies for flaws' sake alone, this is hardly the kind of bad drive-in cinema you should be hunting for. Better off watching the original Texas Chainsaw Massacre than this dry dreck.

Bodycount:
1 female shot on the head
1 female strangled with a cord
1 female found stabbed on the back with scissors
1 male electrocuted on a rigged fence
1 female stricken by a rattlesnake
1 female shot
1 male shot and fell to his death off a window
1 male shot
Total: 8
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A Girl and Her Dog Story: Madhouse (1981)

June 7, 2014, 3:49 am
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Madhouse (AKA "There was a Little Girl", "And When She was Bad") (Italy, 1981)
Rating: ***
Starring:  Trish Everly, Michael MacRae, Dennis Robertson

Fresh off the Video Nasty list this not-so-loving tale of two sisters, revenge of the twisted kind, and animal-to-human violence with a level of goriness welcomed by true fans of the grue.

Mary is woman with a flesh-eating sickness that began to eat away her face. She's also an institutionalized psycho who spent a good childhood torturing her twin sister, Julia, traumatizing her into fearing her presence.

True enough, Julia may have grown into a fine and caring teacher in a school for deaf children but deep inside she still feels uneasy about her insane sister (as anybody would) Her eccentric yet patient uncle insists, however, that she should make another effort bonding with her sister, seeing that she is still family and that both of their birthdays are not too far. Julia gave in to the suggestion and visited Mary to see how' she's doing; what Julia get in return to her compassionate gesture however is a threat from Mary with promises of further torment to her loving but generally frightened sister.

No sooner that night, Mary escaped, assisted by an unknown accomplice and now armed with a vicious Rottweiler trained to maul anybody in her orders. She now skulks around murdering anybody close to her sister until the fateful day arrives, where she had prepared the worst for dear Julia.

Shot with eccentricity and style similar to a giallo title (which should be no surprise since the entire film is an Italian production, confused as American thanks to an all -American casting) Madhouse had potential to be a grim and uneasy slasher movie due to its grit and very downbeat atmosphere, but some of the drawbacks falls on the movie's sluggish pacing and cheese-vs-serious-undertones that made this a weird film that can be a chore to watch.

The true joy of Madhouse is that it is gory, done in a delightfully creative twist that only a few slasher titles dared to try; while the killer prefers a classic knife stabbing for some of their victims, the bloodier and chunkier kills are all done through a mauling dog, which is quite nasty and considerably longer for intensity's sake. The camera often focus on the mutilated throats of these poor chaps and the make-up for them are some of the better ones this subgenre could offer. Perhaps this is the best reason to point out why this film was enlisted as one of UK's Video Nasties.

As said before, the movie works quite well in terms of moodiness thanks to a well tuned and haunting score that goes fittingly with the gothic location. The casts are strong despite a few strangeness on some of their characters, keeping on that note some odd set-pieces found along the way, like the reveal itself which I find tilting my head to in sudden confusion and intrigue. I'm sure that I may missed a few clues that foreshadowed this turn of events but it just came in so sudden that the leading climax is as frightening as it is servile, ending on a note that there might be no hope for anybody in Julia's family.

It's not a movie for everybody, but Madhouse is an exquisite example of a slasher movie that tries to break some boundaries; not enough by standards that it'll reinvent the face of horror but more of making itself quite memorable for the true fans. Elegant, creepy and sullen, this is definitely a must-see for slasherholics.

Bodycount:
1 male mauled on the throat by a rottweiler
1 male knifed on the chest
1 boy mauled by a rottweiler offcamera
1 cat found hanged
1 female mauled on the neck by a rottweiler
1 female stabbed with a kitchen knife
1 female knifed on the gut
1 rottweiler powerdrilled through the head
1 male had his back hacked open with a hatchet
Total: 9
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Spooked? Or Doomed?: Dead of The Nite (2014)

June 7, 2014, 6:33 am
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Dead of The Nite (United Kingdom, 2014)
Rating: **1/2
Starring: Tony Todd, Joseph Millson, Cicely Tennant

Found Footage and slasher films collaborates once again when investigating detectives uncovers a video tape from a murder scene, recording the last few hours of a five-team web-series crew hosting a live ghost hunt at the infamous (and fictional) Jericho Mansion.

According to the tale, there was once a disgruntled servant who had murdered all of Lord and Lady Jericho's children before putting the sickle into himself, slicing off his face and putting a death curse on the land in which he'll return, sickle at hand, to slaughter anybody that dares steps in. The land's caretaker (Tony Todd in a very small role) decided to humor the teens and allows them to do an overnight lockdown, investigating the manor themselves.

What they didn't know, however, is that they're not alone and something armed with a sickle had set its sights on picking them all off one by one.

One part Supernatural, other part slasher, Dead of The Nite took a while before any of the gruesome stuff happens as the young supernatural investigators spends a good sample of their time doing some of the classic trappings in a supernatural horror flick, like setting up equipments and showing us the ropes, discussing the legend that they're supposed to be covering and even invoking the spirit by doing a ritual. (in this movie, the oh so popular Ouija board)

Seems to be going nowhere (save one scene that hints a shred of the paranormal) until a guy in a mask and hoodie shows up and began hacking these teens with a sickle. It's kinda cool how this guy wants to show us the good stuff by holding the camera while he kills them but I have to admit it's still a bit hard to see a good murder if the camera shakes a lot. There are other shots present, but though due to the low-budget of the movie and probably to save some cash on effects, these could be blocked in view by the killer, obscuring everything. The murders you do get to see though are kinda okay: despite shot in night-vision, they resemble the kind of slasher film hack'n stabs that you can find in any 80s released title, those that simply get it over within a matter of seconds.

Performances is rather good but feels a bit unimportant since the characters they play aren't all that interesting. Even the killer devolves from an intimidating silent stalker into a raving lunatic with a silly pompous mission, which is a shame; he's better off cool being mute and killing than gagging a victim and forcing them to listen to his cheesy I'm-the-guy-that'll-set-every-wrong-right monologues.

Of course, there's a twist, or rather a surprise reveal, on who the killer was. It's wasn't exciting and I find myself ho-humming the entire scene since I barely knew the guy outside this ramblings. So is Dead of The Nite a bad movie? Honestly, it had potential; I like the idea of found footage slasher movies and this one had a nice set-up and a cool looking killer. Unfortunately, the execution of the attacks and murders are arguably tricky and though this movie tried to make these scenes look menacing, it just wasn't enough. It's missing the blood and the creativity that makes fans glued to these scenes, so, in a lack of a better description, the film's dry and a little tame.

Still, it's pretty ambitious so I could give the movie at least that. Dead of The Nite may not work all the way but concept-wise, it may worth a single night's rent.

Bodycount:
1 male hacked on the neck with a sickle
1 female strangled, thrown down the stairs
1 female hacked to death with a sickle
1 female hacked to death with a sickle
1 male throat cut with kitchen knife
1 male neck broken
1 male killed with a sickle
Total: 7
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101 Maniacs: Admin's Top Slashers 20-11

June 21, 2014, 12:46 pm
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*As of 2014*

Inspired and tempted by this delicious countdown,  Here be my personal Top 101 Slasher movies that really stood out the most!

Note: These are in no particular order (save the last ten) and they're all personal picks, so, nope. Your faves or your orders does not matter here! Muahahaha!...ha!

30-21 Here

20. Identity (2003)
Eleven strangers got stuck in a motel during one stormy night, wherein they find themselves dwindling down in numbers. Sounds pretty generic? Don' be fooled, this movie got more twists and bloody turns to elevate this "thriller" into a pure slasher movie. 

Bloody Best Bits: One suspect was left alone and later found killed with a baseball bat in a display most shocking. 

19. Evilspeak
Carrie (any version) may have the "revenge of the teenager with powers" in the bag, but Evilspeak does a little better for me since it had the guts (and blood. and dismembered heads) to give us a much more gorily satisfying finale as one bullied chap got is sweet revenge on everybody that wronged him with the help of a black magic and a computer.

Bloody Best Bits: Again, the finale. Cheesiness aside, it's pretty badass and gloriously gory.

18. Scream (1996)
Wes Craven's bonafide 90s hit gets a warm welcome mat on this list for saving the sub-genre from obscurity and relaunching it for the mainstream audience. How? By giving us one wonderfully written whodunit about a small town terrorized by a ghost-faced killer who may have something to do with a local girl who lost her mum a year prior ago.

Bloody Best Bits: The opening act. Seeing Drew Barrymore terrorized by a masked killer is devilish fun!

17. Freddy vs Jason
Dracula vs Frankenstein! King Kong vs Godzilla! Adam Sandler vs Ben Stiller! We all love monsters brawling it out, so seeing two slasher icon battle for blood and glory is a dream come true for us horror fans. Left powerless since the Elm street kids stopped believing in him, Freddy brought Jason back to life to spark paranoia under the Springwood Slasher's name. But when the masked hulk begins to murder more than what Freddy would had hoped for, the two clashed for an epic showdown for slasher supremacy.

Bloody Best Bits: The fights. Both in the dream and the real world. Obviously.

16. Severance
A band of office co-workers from a weapon sales company meet grisly ends when mercenaries show up to make mince meat out of them. Chock full of laughs, gags and bloody mayhem, Anyone with smarts can find a chuckle-worthy time with this.

Bloody Best Bits: How hard is it for four people to remove a bear trap off their buddy's leg? Hard enough for them to mess it up and gets said friend missing a limb. 

15. Inside/ A'Linterieur
On Christmas Eve, a lone pregnant photographer meets her worst nightmare on the form of a deranged woman breaking into her house to steal her baby straight out of her womb. What soon ensues is a body count, one mentally scarring film and a house with each room stained with blood.

Bloody Best Bits: There's this pretty grim scene where the villainess mercilessly murders a hooligan and then watches him death-rattle his way trying to hurt her. Of course, there's also the finale. (You cannot unsee it)

14. Urban Legend
An underrated 90s teen-kill, this fondue pot of slasher cliches passes with flying colors thanks to its creative streak of utilizing urban legends as the killer's MO, as the hooded maniac slashes their way through coeds in a murderous rampage.

Bloody Best Bits: I adore the opening murder, which is based on my favorite urban legend. Apart from that, there's also the pop-rock prank and one microwaved party animal.

13. The Burning (1981)
A vengeful groundskeeper returns to the old camp he used to work on to terrorize youngsters and counselors in a twisted sense of revenge. Accused of being a Friday the 13th rip-off, The Burning is a slow burn that does things right with brooding tension, a menacing killer and top-of-the-line gore effects courtesy of Tom Savini. 

Bloody Best Bits: The raft massacre.

12. Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning
Taking place some years prior the events of the 2003 Texas Chainsaw Massacre reboot, we watch how Thomas Hewitt turn from a disturbed meat packer to a powertool-wielding cannibal juggernaut. I really don't understand the hate for this title; I find the story more interesting than the slasher-standard remake this title is supposed to follow, and the kills are a lot juicier with the red stuff. 

Bloody Best Bits: Thomas gets revenge on his boss, and does a money shot with him and his first chainsaw.

11. New Nightmare
Perhaps the most unique entry to the Nightmare on Elm Street franchise, taking place in the "real world" where an evil entity haunts Heather Langenkamp as Freddy Krueger, seeing this form befitting as he murders everybody dear to her.

Bloody Best Bit: The opening act involving a possessed movie prop in a murderous rampage. And then there's that one scene that kinda tugged a few strings for me: Heather's young son crying out to his imaginary dinosaur for help. Yeah, childhood fears, right there.

Final 10 coming soon!
dun-dun-duuuun!
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Bad Dad and Company: Scream for Help (1984)

July 5, 2014, 4:57 am
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Scream for Help (1984)
Rating: ***
Starring:  Rachael Kelly, Marie Masters, David Allen Brooks

Here's one for (the late) Michael Winner, the director who brought us the cult favorite Death Wish series and this little obscure melting pot of a gem that blends in slasher sensitivities, crime thrillers and teen drama.

When young Christie begins to notice the strangely consistent series of accidents around her, she's pretty sure her stepdad is behind it all. Her mother, you see, is loaded with a handsome amount of inheritance, nothing but the best reason to have her dead.  But with very little evidence to back up her suspicions, she and her friends had no choice but to follow Christie's stepfather around and eventually gets the proof they need. Unfortunately bad dad ain't going down without a fight, and tagging along his own set of murderous friends, he's out to finish what he started.

Not much of a slasher per se but Scream for Help effectively used some of the cliches commonly found in such films and twist it to create some interesting role reversals and a grand taste of cheesiness that's so bad it's funny. Where else can you find a heroine who mourns the death of her friend by having sex with her late buddy's boytoy, or have an incredibly intense scene where Christie chases her dad's car while riding a bicycle? Might as well let this movie be known more for this unintentional funnies as the plot is sadly generic. (Shocking seeing this is written by Tom Fright Night, Class of 1984 Holland.)

Beating The Stepfather (1987) for at least two to three years on the plot, the story similarly tackles the universal fear of an untrustworthy step parent while throwing in some mild home invasion scenario. By then, our heroine turned the tables and shows her creative side by re-staging every murder attempt on her by her stepdad, effectively killing one goon at a time.

It's not for everybody; I do admit the cheap feel of the title does show from it's obscure writing and some questionable talents but as far as trashy B-thrillers go, Scream for Help delivers the goods for the right audience. Gore isn't sky-high and the kill count is a single digit with some of it occuring offcamera, but if you can tolerate a movie that resembles a Hallmark Channel original movie on crack then you might just be the kind of guy who could appreciate this.

Count this as the poor man's Stepfather cum Last House on the Left or not, Scream for Help is a decently hammy thriller that's more of the cheese and less of the serious stuff, deserved to be watched at least once and, if possible for you, loved as a hidden 80s gem.

Bodycount:
1 male found electrocuted on a fusebox
1 female ran over by a car
1 female electrocuted on a rigged fusebox
1 male immolated by an explosion
1 male stabbed on the gut with a machete
Total: 5
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Non-Horror Post: Busy, Busy Busy

July 8, 2014, 8:05 am
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Do forgive my lack of postage lately.

My job as a phone and online agent for first-step fixes on TVs, Bluray players and Home Theater system had finally come to an end and is now being replaced as a phone agent for money transfer.

So far the training's pretty steady and simple enough on their own but I fear the worse will come in a few weeks when we will be trained for "Loyalty Calls" (and cue in naggy customers who can't figure shit on their own. Ugh.) I'm gonna stick to this until I get a good grasp on what I'm dealing with but until then, I might post reviews and other stuff as regularly as possible.

On a semi-related side note, I've been reading this funny webcomic for a while and I found out that it's just what I need to relieve my stress once in a while. Check it out when you have the time (and no, this comic isn't in anyway slasher or horror related...unless you're scared of raccoons.)
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One Angry Preggy: Inseminoid (1981)

July 12, 2014, 6:56 am
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Insemonoid (1981) (AKA "Horror Planet")
Rating: ***1/2
Starring: Robin Clarke, Jennifer Ashley, Stephanie Beacham

For me, I will and forever consider Alien (1979) as a fine example of a proto-slasher, favoring on the point that most of movie's latter scenes resemble a stalk-and-slash movie with a big mean and lean alien in place of a human killer. Of course, for this favorable review puts me into dwelling the movie pile in search for other similarly themed titles and among those that I found was the Video NastyInseminoid, one of the few closest (if not direct) resemblance of a slasher in space and perhaps the trashiest with its B-movie exploitative notion of alien rape, unnatural pregnancy and gruesome gore sequences.

Some time into the future, a crew of Xeno Project scientists have been assigned to explore a newly discovered planet that may had once housed intelligent life. What they found on that planet backed up their theory of alien life; ancient descriptions riddled on the walls of a cave system that leads to a collection of dangerous crystals with enough power to send one of the crewmen into a homicidal rage, forcing the rest to put him down for good.

Hoping to find some answers, two of the the team returns to the cave to gather samples of the crystals but things go for the worse when they were attacked by a bug-eyed alien and the a female co-scientists was taken to a chamber and undergoes a surreal insemination/rape scene. She was soon found by her crew and brought back to the station, but a sudden bloodlust took over her, triggering another series of murderous attacks.

Catching fire from the success of Ridley Scott's Alien  (which was released a year prior to Inseminoid) much of the marketing and notoriety might have been focused on the horrors of alien rape, only here it was done literally, not intellectually hinted (Hence the not-so-subtle title) and the monster was replaced by one angry preggy. More or less, the real pointer that brought this movie down into the Video Nasty list is the nasty (albeit cheap) gore pieces from the latter attacks and murders, all of it pretty methodic and often involves maniacal usage of powertools. This being said, I'm confident to say this ravenous space-age terror is bodycount friendly enough to satisfy a humble gore baby.

Then again, the low-cut budget may induce 80s VHS nostalgia but for some this is pure garbage. And who could blame them? As if having a murderous mother-to-be cook people alive with a blowtorch wasn't disturbing enough but to have this as a reason to beat up a pregnant woman is downright upsetting. Thrills are honestly cheap, aiming more on shocking the viewers with enough gruesome moments to keep them interested but with the lack of strong compelling characters and plot development, Inseminoid will always be a cheese-induced popcorn-horror.

Not that this will always be a bad thing; like what I always say to most of the movies I review here in StickyRed, they will have an audience even if it's going to be a small one. As far as I can see, Inseminoid has a favorable cult following thanks to it's unintentional funnies and so-horrible-its-good nature. It's not a good movie, not with it's shitty editing, overacted casts and questionable special effects but it is pretty entertaining for the right audience. Alien may have the star power and performance but that doesn't mean we can't learn to appreciate, if not give a chance, to the little cash-ins like Inseminoid!

Bodycount:
1 female froze to death under low temperature
1 male shot with a speargun
1 male mauled apart
1 female stabbed to death with scissors
1 male had his back burnt with a heat-sealer, brained with a wrench
1 female burnt to death with heat-sealer
1 male shot on the chest with a speargun, disemboweled
1 female hit on the leg with explosives, killed
1 female strangled to death with cables
1 female found with her neck bitten open
1 male disemboweled offcamera
Total: 11
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Cold Cuts: South of Sanity (2012)

July 15, 2014, 3:57 am
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South of Sanity (United Kingdom, 2012) (AKA "Anne", "Antarctica: Hell on Earth")
Rating: ***
Starring: Mathew Edwards, Paul Craske, Matt Von Tersch

As far as gimmicks come and go, South of Sanity had one thing going and that would be it's dedication to make the premises as realistic as possible.

Shot entirely in Antarctica, the movie deals with a group of researchers who find themselves pitted against an assailant who may be one of their own suffering with too much cabin fever. Characters are introduced, interacted and soon killed, as we watch these hapless victims figure out who's donning the skin mask and try to outlive one another, even if it means turning against each other.

If I could make any comparison to South of Sanity's plot, I would say this is pretty much a slasher version of John Carpenter's The Thing (1982), minus the shape-shifting alien, the tremendous special effects and the gore fountain. In fact, the movie is really dry on the bloodying as the kills are simplified due to cost cuts. This may not sink well for those who were expecting a really bloody bodycount movie, even more is the fact the pacing felt like an old-timer walking it's three-legged dog in front of you, but if you're good enough with sadistic chills that does have its moments, then this is where the film wins.

While special effects involving red-dye corn-syrup isn't the movie's forte, much of the focus and energy are instead put into a workable direction and atmosphere. The barren nature of it's filming location, as well as the fully functioning yet barely crowded set, ticks off the right nerve when it comes to uneasiness, making it one of a few films that effectively brings an isolophobic as help is nowhere to be found and the casts are set to defend themselves in a nearly hopeless situation. (Again, much like Carpenter's The Thing and even the first 30 Days of Night movie)

With a cast full of unknowns, performances are quite good but the audio often muffles their lines into echoes. The killer also have their reveal in the end and give us quite a motive for their killings. Not sure if everybody will buy it but I'd been through worse, this being one of the milder ones. 

South of Sanity is really nothing but your standard slasher with a real case of the colds, but effective enough in transition to deliver what movies of this sub-genre do best. Not much else to say but that it is watchable for the true hardcore bodycounter so long as they set their visceral expectations low.

Bodycount:
1 male found dead, found with stab wounds
1 male and 1 female blown apart inside a decompression chamber
1 male hanged
1 male had his throat cut through thin wire,  hacked on the head with an ice axe
1 male hacked on the chest with ice axe
1 male killed, method unknown
1 male powerdrilled through the head
1 male shredded through snow plough
1 female slaughtered offcamera
1 male  hacked on the head with ice axe
1 male hacked on the chest with ice axe
1 male killed with an ice axe
Total: 13
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Post War Slaughter: Blood Shed: An American Horror Story (2014)

July 17, 2014, 2:39 am
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Blood Shed: An American Horror Story (2014) (AKA "American Weapon")
Rating: *1/2
Starring: Amin Joseph, Maria-Elena Laas, Benjamin Mouton

War is something we all wouldn't hope as a solution but it is there. Those who partake in it go in normal and come back either in a casket or a basket case, the latter being what happened to our loonie in this anti-war propaganda of a slasher movie, making this one of the few horror flicks I'd seen that uses shell-shock as an MO.

Like most of its kin, Blood Shed is about another group of 20-something year olds enjoying a weekend up in the mountains with nothing but each other's company. What they weren't expecting is that their stay will be interrupted by a homicidal war veteran who couldn't let go and move on from his past. A good hour or so, this seems to be how the story will go but around comes the final act, and all things just goes tedious for me.

For one, I can appreciate what this movie is offering; instead of using gimmicky casts and cheesy plot holes, Blood Shed has a serious tone that's relaying a message against war, showing the side effects of training people to fight and kill anyone for the sake of their country. This is quite a big gig for a slasher to tackle, perhaps too big and frankly, I'm not really that interested; politics bore me to death and this movie didn't click right for me despite the good intentions. I guess I'm just the kind of guy who's brain switches off whenever I watch a movie of this sort, hoping for an hour and a half of escapism before I work my arse off in the next day.

I also have a few beef with the killer and their killings; as mentioned above, the killer's an old vet who's gone cold-hearted crazy with the killings that he no longer think or reason straight. He has can't find any further meaning to his life so he just functions based on his programmed instinct. This is cool and all in a fictional horror film point of view but the age and physique of this guy is anything but imposing. He had a couple of scenes that would have made him memorable, stalking his victims wearing a George W. Bush latex mask, but this was short-lived as the rest of the film had him face-naked and spatting out his flashbacks like the old shell-shocked coot that he is. Scary? Maybe, but it's leaning to "eye-rollingly tiresome". The least the producers can do is juice up the killings a bit but no, even in that department it's disappointingly dull.

Personal taste aside, Blood Shed is still a respectable slasher in its core that followed everything by the book. I'm positive this is a point up for those who are more forgiving and more open to their hack-and-slashing, especially for those who wanted something smarter roaming around their usual serving of shlock entertainment. I'm not saying this is a movie made for intelligent people but it did tried something different for a change and we can all applaud it for that.

If I want military themed slashers, I think I'll go with either The Prowler (1981) or at least the more popcorn-friendly Severance (2006). This is something for the rest of you curious ones; if you think you can stand watching a killer in his 60s and graying hair stalk and successfully kill teens who could easily knock him over then congratulations, Blood Shed is your date for the evening.

Bodycount:
1 female got her neck broken
1 female got her throat cut with hunting knife
1 male axed on the head
1 female drowned
1 male shot on the head
1 female stabbed on the gut with a shovel
1 male shot
1 male shot on the head
Total: 8
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101 Maniacs: The Honorables

July 17, 2014, 9:49 pm
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Before I find the time to post the last ten of this list, let me first thank you all for sticking with the list. I know some of you may find my choices "questionable" but we all have our reasons and the best thing about this sub-genre is that it's so malleable it's quite exciting.

Now here be 40 of the many slashers i'd seen over the years that could have gotten into the 101 listing but didn't due to several reasons; I either forgotten about them, just seen it recently or replaced in favor of another title. Still, this doesn't mean these movies are not recommendable. If anything, I would really suggest you all reading this to give the listed titles a try or at least give it a chance! Again, this list is in no particular order.
Here is the real list:

Curse of Chucky (2013)- The sixth entry to the Child's Play franchise, the killer doll returns solo in another round of mayhem terrorizing occupants and guests inside a gothic mansion.
Shredder (2003)- teens out on a shredding good time on a snowy resort gets picked off by the ultimate hater.
Prison (1988)- one part ghost story, one part gory slasher, inmates of a newly re-opened prison starts to die off one by one in a series of gruesome accidents of the supernatural kind.
Scream 3 (2000)- Perhaps my personal fave among the Scream sequels, this entry had Sidney and her surviving friends investigate another string of Ghostface murders, this time in the midst of the production of a fictional slasher movie based on the killings.
Baby Blue (2008)- an infamous "slasher" involving a mother suffering from Postpartum Disorder stalking and killing her own children in gory ends.
Maniac Cop 3: Badge of Silence (1993)- The cheesiest entry in the series and perhaps the closest on being a straight slasher, the supposedly deceased Maniac Cop returns as a revenant hellbent on avenging a wrongfully accused police woman.
Friday the 13th Part 5: A New Beginning (1985)- A follow-up after Jason Voorhees' supposed death, this entry pits a survivor to cope from the killer's attack but soon finds out that some nightmares just won't end.
Student Bodies (1981)- a slasher spoof that features an asthmatic killer bumping off horny teenagers with paper clips, giant garbage bags and horse head bookends.
Rituals (1977)- An epic survival piece about five men on a wilderness trip faces not only the trials of mother nature itself, but also the wrath of an insane stalker.
Halloween 6: The Curse of Michael Myers- One of the most Halloween-ish among the sequels and arguably underrated, The Shape returns to Haddonfield once again, this time setting his eyes on a new set of family who may carry the last of his bloodline.
The Hitcher (1986)- A slasher-friendly thriller about a man and his stalker, an enigmatic hitchhiker who wants nothing more than to toy around with his prey and killing all of those who gets in the way.
Popcorn (1991)- An underrated piece of 90s slasherdom, film students working on reviving an old theatre by playing a series of gimmicky horror films gets methodically killed off by a maniac with a talent for disguises.
Anatomie (2000)- A German thriller/slasher hybrid of sorts that had a newly admitted medical student investigate what possibly be a series of murder conspiracies.
Psycho Cop 2/ Pyscho Cop Returns (1993)- an uber cheesy follow-up to a dreck of a slasher film, this time around the Satanic killer cop returns to bump off late-night party goers in a high-rise office.
Night School (1981)- a motorbike gear-wearing headhunter goes on a hunt for women in this cheesy slasher-esque thriller.
Scarecrows (1988)- A group of thieves and their hostages becomes trapped in an abandoned farm land where the scarecrows do anything else but scare people.
Violent Midnight (1962)- a proto-slasher that delivers plenty of intrigue and teen slayings as a mysterious assailant starts an investigation that centers on an artist who may be have something to do with it.
Final Destination 3 (2006)- The goriest entry to the infamous howdunit follows lucky survivors of a roller coaster accident biting the big one in the most terrible and unimaginable way.
Macabre/Darah (2010)- The Indonesian answer to The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, a group of partying thespians celebrating the leave of one of their friends takes a fatal turn on helping an estranged woman, who's family turns out to be ritualistic cannibals.
Death Bell (2006)- A Korean torture porn-slasher blend,  Students and teachers find themselves trapped inside their own campus as a maniac starts to torture and kill off from the group everytime they fail to answer their riddle.
Blood Night: The Legend of Mary Hatchet (2009)- A very popcorn-friendly, plotless bodycounter that follows partying teens celebrating a local holiday but soon had to fend for their lives against something murderously angry.
Santa's Slay (2005)- A holiday slasher of comedic proportions that twists the tale of Santa Clause, here the son of the Devil Himself who's 1000 years of good servitude comes to an end, thus freeing him to do whatever killings he wants.
Leprechaun 3 (1995)-perhaps the best in the franchise, the evil Leprechaun finds himself free in the greedy pothole of Las Vegas, murdering all those who had been exploiting his gold.
Tormented (2009)- A United Kingdom released supernatural revenge hocus wherein bullies of a murdered classmate starts to get killed one by one by something with a grudge.
Dead And Buried (1981)- A strange mix of zombie, occult and slasher-lite slayings, residents of a small town starts to act strangely around visitors, killing them but only to come back in one piece with a new murderous personality.
The Strangers (2009)- a couple alone in their cabin one night are terrorized by a trio of masked hoodlums.
Murder Loves Killers Too (2009)- A proud shot-on-video slasher where teens are murdered by an uninspired looking psycho with a sexual problem.
HARDWARE (1990)- An artsy scifi British-American thriller which features a self-repairing robotic assailant terrorizing the lone occupant of an apartment, all the while murdering all those who interfere.
Dream Home (2010)- Hong Kong's drama/slasher hybrid wherein a killer methodically slays anybody staying inside a highrise apartment, all the while featuring their story in flashbacks leading to the killings.
Dr. Giggles (1992)- an uber cheesy comedic slasher that has a deranged maniac donning himself as a doctor, on a mission to take revenge on a town that shunned him away.
Scalps (1983)- A slow-burning fondue of supernatural slayings as the spirit of a bloodlusting Native American warrior terrorizes a group of young archeologists, leading to an orgy of killings.
Night Warning (1983)- a strange slasher that tackles homophobia and incestious attraction as a maddened aunt do anything in her power to keep an adopted nephew all to herself, all the while taking the attention of a gay-bashing detective who's more than willing to do anything to prove his accusations right.
Harpoon: Reykjavik Whale Watching Massacre  (2009)-Iceland's first splatter movie that follows the ordeals of a group of multi-national whale-watching tourists as they ran afoul against a trio of insane fishbillies.
May (2002)- more part teen drama and psychological nightmare than a slasher, Angela Bettis stars as a disturbed and lonely woman who will do anything to find the perfect friend.
The Fog (1980)- John Carpenter's ghost/slasher hybrid pits a small fishing town against a supernatural fog that hides something sinister and very deadly.
Hunter's Blood (1987)- What should have been a hunting trip ends up for a fight for survival as a group of men find themselves targeted by a family of insane hillbillies.
Them/ Ils (2006)- France's home invasion thriller features a couple fending for their lives as hooded goons had them hunted and cornered inside their own home.
Serial Mom (1992)- Kathleen Turner takes the role of a surburban Housewife who moonlights as a serial killer with anger and norm issues and soon becomes a celebrity of the odd kind.
Creep (2004)- Trapped in a London subway station, a woman finds herself in a nightmarish situation where a deformed killer stalks her in a hidden underground domain.

Soon to Come: The Final Ten
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Welcome the Storm bringer: A Day of Judgement (1981)

July 20, 2014, 6:30 am
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A Day of Judgement (AKA "Stormbringer") (1981)
Rating: **
Starring:  William T. Hicks, Harris Bloodworth, Deborah Bloodworth

I say a lot of times around here that I'm a religious skeptic and this is true as far as I could try; I believe in a higher power but I don't see and believe in a single true religion or belief, thus making me a very open kind of guy. 

Now, can I say the same for my bodycount viewings? Honestly, though I would like some variation from your standard "teens go to a bad place then die horribly", a movie of this formulaic sub-genre has to do something really worthwhile to satisfy my bloodlust. Thus my curiosity peaked when I read about this Pro-Christian slasher, where most reviews are overwhelmingly negative. Will its preachy taters show me otherwise or will I join the many who consider this as utter garbage?

It's America in the 1920s and we follow a series of individuals who are busy living their lives tainted with sin; we have two scheming lovers, a greedy bank owner who's trying to run out a poor farmer from his home, a businessman who forces his parents to a retirement home in order to get their property, a brother who blames every ill turn in his life at his kin and a grumpy old woman who poisons a pet goat. This sad display of Godlessness forces a local priest to move out of town but in his journey, he spotted a ghostly specter moving towards town in a horse carriage, wielding a huge scythe. This is the stormbringer and he is in his way to reap the evil out of this town one sinner at a time.

This may sound like your average death counter but A Day of Judgement is less of that and more of your preachy Sunday special, jumping back and forth from one focused character to another, some of them barely interacting with the other and simply goes forth on their own story not entirely different from the anthology take of Trick'R Treat (2007). With a low-budget look and hasty-looking editing, the movie spends more of its time showing us how deserving these people are of being sent to hell, to the point it's melodramatic and the horror happening only in the last minute in each "segment". Unsurprisingly, said horrors are also rushed and disappointingly dry with only one scene wherein a scythe was put to use and the rest being either tame or done off camera.

With much of its running time (100 minutes!) focusing on building characters and their assorted schemes, it's no surprise why this movie is such a drag for many true slasher fans. Personally, however, I did come to appreciate the intentions of the film (I mean how often do you see the Ten Commandments listed for you in a horror movie before the ending credits roll?) but this is one of those times when they overcook the motif and simply mess up the entire movie. I could still give kudos to the props and the wonderful setting they have that sides well with the story's supposed time era (impressive given the budget) but the totality barely had enough to even give A Day of Judgment a passing remark.

I'm not saying this is a bad movie but I really can't recommend this to just anyone. The overly religious theme sided with two-third plot ratio that's made up of pure Sunday school dramatics will surely scurry off viewers who do not share a similar belief, or at least those who don't have the patience to sit through it, but if you're curious to see how we Christians take on a cheesy "slasher film" in the early days then this is a fine example that you could check out. 

Of course if you want real Christian-themed slashers then I suggest Alice, Sweet Alice (1976), Babysitter Wanted (2010) or the epic End of The Line (2009). 

Bodycount:
1 elderly female dragged into the earth
1 male shot himself with a shotgun
1 male hits his head on a hearth
1 male murdered offcamera
1 male shot
1 female shot
1 male and 1 female burned to death
1 male beheaded with a scythe
Total: 9
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Mall Deaths Afterhours: The Initiation (1984)

July 22, 2014, 3:08 pm
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The Initiation (1984)
Rating: ***
Starring: Vera Miles, Clu Gulager, Daphne Zuniga

My reaction to this title is not something I would make a big deal with as The Initiation like any other slasher out there. Literally. My first viewing never put me anywhere and it took me two more shots (and slightly outgrowing my immature and shallow bloodlust) before I could even find to at least appreciate what the film offered. Does this make the title any less deserving to be seen and enjoyed? Of course not.

Kelly Fairchild ( Daphne Zuniga) is one of the new meat for Delta Ro Kai sorority. Her and other pledge's task to get in? Break inside her stepdad's department store during pledge night and steal a night guard's uniform. Easier said than done when a killer had gotten out from a mental asylum somewhere and Kelly's parents (Vera Miles and Clu Gulager) are rattled enough to keep this from her. True enough, the murderer keeps the death toll in high and soon breaks into the same department store where Kelly and her friends are staying and soon to be dying.

The first bulk of the movie obviously have a pacing issue as more build-up was made to Kelly's strange condition, which involves her seeing a horrific vision of what looks like her younger self attempting to kill her stepdad (which looked like a carbon copy of Carpenter's Halloween opening), as well as the shrouded mystery to what happened some years ago when Kelly was just a little girl. It lumbers a bit in this direction but once prank night came, we set on to focus on a more exciting cat-and-mouse game with a derange maniac and nubile teens, inside an empty mall that echoed the same premise for 1986's robot slasher, Chopping Mall. I honestly could give a humble kudos to the mystery of killer's identity, being one of the few good reason to see this film as it did pretty well on hiding it within the elusive plot twists and a good combination of lighting and cinematography.

Then there's the crazy atmosphere that often shifts back and forth from being cheesy to downright heavy. Acting-wise, the character cast was a big factor to the flow, providing many outrageous moments (check out one dude's costume for a house party) and intrigue to the story. And then when it's their turn to die, though the special effects department didn't offer anything more elaborate than simple garden tool stabbings, they're still freshly red enough to satisfy a humble slasher fan.

On the outside, The Initiation is simply another campus slasher that sets out everything you knew and loved about the sub-genre, doing a few extra mile on its part to flesh out a unique story, at least as much as they could. It's not going to work for everybody but it's simple b-grade plotting and gradable cheese factor is surely something for the right fan and slasher completists alike.

Bodycount:
1 female stabbed to death with a garden fork
1 male stabbed on the neck with a garden fork, decapitated with a machete
1 male stabbed on the chest with a garden fork
1 male hacked on the head with a hatchet
1 female shot through with an arrow
1 male found with throat cut
1 female knifed to death
1 male shot on the side with a harpoon
1 female murdered offcamera
1 female shot
Total: 10
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101 Maniacs: Admin's Top Ten Slashers

July 23, 2014, 12:59 am
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Here it is boys and girls, the final ten of my Top 101 slasher movies of all time!...or at least as of 2014. As of the first 91 (and some honorable mentions) you can catch them from the beginning here:


Inspired and tempted by this delicious countdown, the previous titles were in no particular order but now, the ten slashers listed here are ordered depending on their influence, style, technical ingenuity and, of course, entertainment factor as A to B-grade horror films. So without further delay, here are your final ten!

10. Final Destination (2000)
When it comes to this howdunit death porn, nothing beats the original! Supposedly an episode of the popular X-Files TV series, Final Destination follows the methodical deaths of the remaining survivors of a tragic airplane accident, which they avoided thanks to a random premonition.

Bloody Best Bits: The airplane disaster itself is the most terrifying scene I'd seen in a horror movie in the sense it is utterly realistic.

9. Psycho (1960)
Alfred Hitchcock's genuine cinematic masterpiece and the often argued Grandfather of slasher movies, wherein a thief finds a terrifying twist in her ordeal when her one-night stay at Bates Motel takes a deadly turn at the hands of "Mother".

Bloody Best Bits: The Shower Kill. Nothing can top that! Also the basement scene is the best reveal I'd seen in a proto-slasher!

8. Candyman (1992)
Dream-like and very well-made, the Clive Barker short-based mainstream horror pits a disbelieving woman against a deadly urban Legend Incarnate known as the Candyman in this semi-romantic yet very atmospheric supernatural slasher.

Bloody Best Bits: Visiting the monster's lair. The rundown building housing a slumbering specter is all kinds of spooky and creepy.

7. Child's Play (1987)
While the original draft had us guessing longer whether the kid or the doll was doing the murders, this supernatural thriller/slasher wins a gimmicky landslide by having a sentient killer doll as it's monster, with exceptional special effects.

Bloody Best Bits: Plenty: the first POV murder for one is pretty intense, the creatively painful death by voodoo is another, and then there's that one creepy scene where a charred up Chucky slowly makes his way to knife a young boy.

6. Maniac (1980)
Depressing, misogynic and very gory. One word: infamous. Follow Frank Zito, an overweight maniac who prowls the night for women to murder and scalps to collect. But when he meet a woman that shares some of his interest, will all hell break loose?

Bloody Best Bits: Must we count? The first scalping scene, the shotgun decimation, the subway stalking, the graveyard scare. Take your pick.

5. Black Christmas (1976)
A chiller with a warm bodycount, this creepy proto-slasher features occupants of a sorority house getting harassed and soon murdered by a stalker that, unknown to them, had made it inside the house.

Bloody Best Bits: the Moaner experience (AKA the first creepy phone call). Not sure if everybody else will agree but I also found the rampage in the attic scene to be unnerving enough to be pointed out.

4. The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (1974)
The first and original of the powertool-driven exploitation horror franchise, this proto-slasher staples many of the most well-known element in our fair sub-genre, as well as being effectively scary and unnerving itself.

Bloody Best Bits: The backwoods chase, starring one hysterically frightened final picking and one hulking slasher with a chainsaw.

3. Halloween (1978)
Slasher's personal "messiah", being the very title that started the 80s boom of teen-hunted-by-killer flicks, John Carpenter's independent creeper and soon to be franchise tells the classic tale of a madman's escape and return to his home town to terrorize random babysitters.

Bloody Best Bits: The opening kill is all well and intense. Plus Michael's daring escape gave a great mix of panic, action and jolts.

2. A Nightmare on Elm Street (1984)
The first of the series and the most "slasher" of them all, Craven's immortal story of a supernatural boogeyman, armed with a knifed glove, taking his revenge against the parents of his home town by attacking and murdering their children in the place where they cannot protect them: their dreams.

Bloody Best Bits: Bed Fountain. 

And finally, my personal number one slasher of all time: 

1. Friday the 13th Part 6: Jason Lives (1986)
Yes, I could go along with everybody and list down Friday the 13th (1980) or Friday the 13th Part 2 as my number one fave teen kill film, but something about Jason Lives clicks right for me. Could it be the fact that this is Jason's crowning moment as the indestructible revenant of pure hate? The double digit bodycount? The highly entertaining characters? A likable (if not silly) final "pair"? Or is it just because it's so cheesy that it's a perfect viewing for any fitting horror occasion?

For me, this is the ultimate slasher movie as it has everything you could ask for; a cool killer, a sizable kill count with imaginative killings to boot, some interesting characters, a few winks and nods to the sub-genre itself, a strange sex scene (interestingly the only one in the series where they're fully clothed on the top) and one of the most epic hero vs monster finale I'd seen. This film is the very epitome of the dead teen film in its simpliest and funnest so yeah, more love to Jason Lives! Admin's number one slasher of all TIME!!! (or at least as of 2014)

Bloody Best Bits: The Frankenstein-esque revival of our titular killer, Jason hunting down a paintball team, the eye candy "mirror face press", Jason roaming in a room full of sleeping children (INTENSE!) and, of course, Tommy Jarvis vs Jason in a flaming lake!

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So there you have it, 101 titles plus 40 honorable mentions of the cheesiest, bloodiest, baddest and simply the best of all slasher titles I ever lay eyes on! What say you, dear reader? An comments? Suggestions? What title do you think should have gotten in the list? Or better yet, what's YOUR 100 Top slashers?! 
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Sloppy Chunky Seconds: Gnaw (2008)

July 28, 2014, 11:23 pm
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Gnaw (United Kingdom, 2006)
Rating: *1/2
Starring: Julia Vandoorne, Hiram Bleetman, Nigel Croft Adams

Ah, the "statistics opening". A sign that this is going to be a headache.
Wow, it's either I'm seeing too many of these movies or this one just forgot how to stand out. 

Once again, Europe's own youths are taking a journey to some peace and relaxation on the country side, renting a home who warmly welcomes them with an extravagant dinner table filled with meat-stuffed pastries and other home-made meaty by-products.

After setting themselves up for the weekend, the kids go through what is best described as an in-depth characterization as they go about their lives as realistic as they can in front of the camera. Pretty fair acting to be generous but it did killed the pacing, so what felt like forever was actually about 30 to 40 minutes on my watch. (And this is a 70+ minute movie!)

It's not too long before a killer in what appears to be a suit made up of hastily stitched pelts starts butchering them with farming and gardening tools, both man and gasoline powered, and stashing their flesh for food and meat pies. (Not like you can't figure that one out yourself)

Gnaw does everything by the book, which is at least something a good slasher movie should be proud of, but in its totality, this is barely the type of movie you will brag about. Or worth remembering.

Some predictable turn of events here and there, everything else is easily brushed off as your usual slasher shenanigans. Backwood slashers were always been the easiest in the sub-genre to exploit so it must be taken in mind that most people would try to do these films for entertainment and fun and I couldn't agree more! But I feel like Gnaw missed a few pointers on how to make a story worth remembering, even if most of its plot is taken from twenty other backwoods teen-killings out there. Sadly not even the killings, the very definition of this subgenre, helped since there isn't enough bloodletting to go around and the deaths are hardly memorable. (Well, unless you count the fact everybody's blood here appears to be black and thick instead of the usual watery crimson. Guess we're supposed to be glad these kids are dead, who knows what kind of disease they got in them blood!)

Rentable but you could do a little better. Better save this one for the slasher starter packs!

Bodycount:
1 female had her gut chunked off with a knife
1 male stabbed through the back with a pitchfork
1 female disemboweled with a chainsaw
1 male had his neck cut and tongue ripped out, killed
1 female killed offcamera
1 impaled with a knife handle
1 female implied murdered
Total: 7
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Night of the Chunky Seminole: Hell Glades (2013)

July 29, 2014, 11:06 am
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Hell Glades (AKA "Bikini Swamp Girl Massacre" ) (2013)
Rating: 1/2
Starring: Aiden Dillard, Deborah Funes, Belkys Galvez
 
 
Strange things are abound in a Florida evergreen campsite where some campers are brutally hacked to death by a random Native American wielding a tomahawk. Those who survived are taken with him and soon, Coowahchohee, a Seminole indian warrior of legends (at least in his own mind), sets his eyes on preying a couple of bikini-clad college girls who're set to vacation on the same evergreens.

Least to say, Hell Glades is a pretty darn honest movie; it's a dumb slasher full of dumb people who're doomed to die at the hands of a disappointingly dumb maniac who we can easily tell to be anything but supernatural (as many characters in this movie (?) seem to believe in) seeing his lair is nothing but a trailer parked in the middle of a backwoods opening. The plot is as thin as Japanese paper and littered with so many rushed editing that you can't help but feel rushed yourself with almost nothing of interest building on its run.

The cheese is high, however, so it goes on without repeating that the movie's corny dialogue and underacting will surely find an audience. The kills wouldn't impress any hardcore slasher fan but if they are open to tomfoolery such as this then it is their funeral.

Currently distributed by Troma as Bikini Swamp Girl Massacre, this uneventful bodycounter leaves an unimpressive mark that smells like a fat guy's sweaty jockstrap. Hell, even the rare yet dull Demon Warrior (1988) is a lot better than this so heed my warning, dear readers: watch in risk of boredom!

Bodycount:
1 male hacked with a tomahawk
1 female hacked to death with a tomahawk
1 male hacked on the shoulder with a tomahawk
1 male shot dead (flashback)
1 female hacked open with a tomahawk (flashback)
1 female hacked on the neck with a tomahawk (flashback)
1 female hacked on the chest with a tomahawk, heart removed
1 female hacked on the back with a tomahawk, spine ripped off
1 female beheaded with a scythe
1 female hacked on the chest with a tomahawk
1 male crushed inside a toppling van
1 female hacked to death with a tomahawk
1 female corpse found
1 female hacked with a tomahawk
Total: 14
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Wait? What? Huh?: Sidste Time (1995)

July 30, 2014, 1:51 am
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Sidte Time (Final Hour) (Denmark, 1995)
Rating: **1/2
Starring: Lene Laub Oksen, Mette Bratlann, Tomas Villum Jensen

Released just a few years before the teen slasher boom exploded and nearly every country in the world wet their hands in blood for masked maniacs hunting down self-aware victims, Sidste Time is Denmark's own little jab at the sub-genre, pitting seven teenagers in a late night detention in their biology lab, unaware that a killer is on the loose in that very building.

Aware of this situation, however, is one Mickey Holm who covers the event outside of the premises. As the death toll rises one by one, the kids soon find out the horrible truth of their predicament and there might be no way out of it alive!

It's most fitting to describe this movie to a Twilight Zone episode, albeit a very bloody one; while it starts like any other slasher, with teens collected in a ridiculously convenient empty school for reasons equally obscure only to end up brutally snuffed off by a killer, Sidste Time turns to a more haunting twist that defies any known explanation ala Lucio Fulci's The Beyond.

Nightmare logic comes in full force when cryptic TV messages appears in units that aren't even plugged in, tabloid news groups covering a crime scene almost an instant after it happened, and even buildings that lock by itself. There's a level of the supernatural thrown into the mix but much of the horror is more on the psychological, on its way on becoming a thinking man's horror.

But, as I mentioned earlier, it feels like there's no real explanation for the events that unfolded in this film but if one would read in between the lines of the movie's climax, you may get a few choice interpretations of what really happened in this night.

On a technical note, the acting is fair and I do give kudos to the amazing lighting and cinematography.but I feel a tad dry when it comes to the killings. However, I could easily disregard this as a minor setback, knowing most of the energy went more on making a psychedelic and psychological nightmare than a standard bodycounter.

Sidste Time is a movie with a divided audience; you could either appreciate its uniqueness as a slasher or abhor it for this fact alone. I'm not much of a fan of it but if you like something a little stranger for your slasher kicks, give Sidste Time a roll!

Bodycount:
1 male hacked to death (flashback)
1 male thrown off a roof
1 female found dead with her face burnt to a stove
1 female found strangled with a phone chord
1 male beheaded
1 male found with his face slashed open
1 female found murdered, method unknown
1 female throat cut with knife
Total: 8
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Chucky's Father's Brother's Cousin's Second Former Roommate: Pinocchio's Revenge (1996)

August 1, 2014, 2:05 am
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Pinocchio's Revenge (1996)
Rating: **
Starring:  Candace McKenzie, Lewis Van Bergen, Ivan Gueron 

I picture this as the movie Child's Play would have been if it did stay with the "did the kid did it or was it the doll?" plot. Of course, with the kind of budget the original Child Play had, I'm confident it would have done a little better than this but seeing that franchise did fairly well as a slasher franchise, let see what this low-key thriller had to offer on its own.

I remember watching this as a a kid barely out of his toddler years via VHS and again as a preteen via cable TV. Of course, I was scared out of my wits at my first round but as I got a little older, I begin to wonder why does it take so long to get around the scary parts. Now, as I write this review, I know.

Rosalind plays Jennifer Garrick, a defense attorney who's currently working to prevent the conviction of a man against charges of multiple child murders, including that of his own son. Strangely, however, the man is more than willing to fry under the chair, claiming that he did do it, and with her defenses overruled, the state had him executed despite her effort.

So, she failed to keep a guy from dying for a crime he may or may not had committed, least she had something to look up for once she gets home, right?

Well, it may not be as bad as getting your client to die at the hands of the government, but Jennifer's daughter Zoe is acting up lately regarding the fact that her father ran away with some girl he kept from the family, getting fights in school and is constantly haunted by night terrors.

While Jennifer is trying her best to turn her daughter's life around for the best, stranger things suddenly plague their household when a missing piece of evidence suddenly appeared on her desk: a wooden puppet boy made by the executed father, supposedly for his son. Not knowing what to do with it, she kept the toy hidden but Zoe finds it, mistaking it as a present, and forms an obsessive bond with her new friend "Pinocchio".

Soon, accidents and deaths are abound, all of which Zoe blames on Pinocchio. Could she be right, or is there a far more sinister force at work?

Seeing how this is made by Kevin Tenney of the solid cult classic Night of the Demons (1988), I'm a little disappointed to what I see here: generic plotting, badly acted characters and some of the hokiest looking practical effects I'd seen that's more laughable now than frightening. The only factor that excels here is the questionable nature of the murders.

Though the bodycount is particularly low, these scenes are well built from the start and it does have you guessing whether the doll is committing these or not. But once we figure out in the end who's the real culprit, the movie doesn't stop making you wonder whether the rubbery looking marionette is behind it or if its presence is nothing but pure coincidence.

With much of the movie's marketing and the cheesy title itself to blame, Pinocchio's Revenge is misleading in regards for those who were expecting a Child's Play rip-off. Sending most of its part as a thriller, the whodunit element is well done but the lack of any exciting action (horror-wise) renders the film a tad dull if not cliched. Just trim off the nudity and you might as well have a made-for-TV thriller here that's bound to scare the pants off any youngsters, or make a good timewaster before you doze off for work the next day.

We may never know what Pinocchio's is revenging for but for a cheesy horror thriller, it had its moments. Makes a good rental if you're up to it.

Bodycount:
1 boy seen murdered
2 children seen dead
1 male executed via electric chair
1 male had his life support turned off
1 female beaten to death with a fire poker
Total: 6
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Dear Dead Rosemary: The Prowler (1981)

August 2, 2014, 1:17 am
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The Prowler (AKA "Rosemary's Killer") (1981)
Rating: ****
Starring: Farley Granger, Vicky Dawson, Christopher Goutman, Cindy Weintraub

Ah yes, the end of World War II; where good young folks who fought for their country come back home to the warm and welcoming hands of their friends, families and lovers, their service, sacrifice and hardship rewarded in a debt of gratitude. Though some may not get exactly that, as some sacrifices are not without their own consequences and one example of this is the written Dear John letter of a lonely lover who tells her man overseas that she's moving on, seeing she had been waiting for a long time for him to come back, unsure if her lover was alive or not.

While some may get a bit discouraged by this, even upset, this particular trooper didn't take this too kindly. We then cut to the night of 1945 in Antonio Bay where many returning soldiers are escorting their girlfriends to their graduation dance after waiting for them during the war. Rosemary was one of them, and with her new lover, she decided for them to take a few moments alone at a nearby isolated gazeebo for a cuddling. What they don't know is that her ex-lover is quietly watching them, making sure that Rosemary gets what she wants with her new man by skewering them together with a pitchfork.

Thirty-Five years later, the bay is preparing for their first Graduation Dance after Rosemary's father Major Chatham banned it the day he found out about the first killings. While generally, all the teens in town are excited, the local cops are having a situation of their own when reports of a violent man claims that their en route to town. Bad timing for the sheriff to be going fishing but nevertheless he leaves the town to his trusted deputy, Mark, expecting him to do a fine job against this maniac.

Then again, it wasn't too long before we're seeing a man booting up an old GI uniform and preparing a sharp bayonet for an all-nighter slaughtering; teens get killed, lovers stalked and chased, Mark have no choice but to team up with his girlfriend Vicky to figure out what's going on and find the culprit before he kills again.

Now, I will admit that The Prowler is a generic slasher film with its own set of flaws; the plot is a carbon copy of that from My Bloody Valentine, a movie that shares the same gimmick wherein the killer returns the night a supposedly banned celebration is held again for the sake of the new generation, though comparing the two, My Bloody Valentine was more focused on this theme as The Prowler was on identifying the killers' identity instead. Unfortunately, said sleuth just didn't work too well as a good amount of time was wasted on false scares (you would thought two kids screwing around in the backstage of a gym would meant something horrible. Yes this is a spoiler), plot holes (why is it Major Chathams, a supposed invalid, keeps popping up whenever the killer is around?) and pretty much a dead end as the killer could have been anybody.

Thankfully, these dull and lifeless scenes were evened out by what makes The Prowler a worthwhile watch. Tom Savini was again in his groove when he worked on the special effects of this film, showering us with some of the vilest and awfully brutal murders shown in celluloid, at least for its time. (Then again, the bayonet head impalement is still pretty messed up for me) These murders are coupled with a good sense of dread and tension, which works quite well at the end where the final girl was separated from her deputy boyfriend and had to flee-fight for her life against a pitch-fork weilding GI. (A killer concept that's cool beyond a level)

Ending with a Carrie-esque jumpscare, The Prowler have its worth; while not the flawless example of a slasher, it shows great production value and a fun one at that. Good kills with effective intensity, an awesome murderer, a little dragging in the middle but it picks up as soon as it got the ball rolling again, this title deserves more than what it is getting (perhaps a decent remake with a better whodunnit angle?) and should be tried by all true fans of this sub-genre.

Bodycount:
1 male and 1 female skewered together with a pitchfork
1 male gets a bayonet through his head
1 female impaled with a pitchfork
1 female nearly beheaded with a bayonet
1 female gets a bayonet to the neck
1 male shot with a shotgun
1 male gets his head blown off with a shotgun
Total: 8
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