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The Maine Attraction: You Can't Kill Stephen King (2010)

August 9, 2014, 3:05 am
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You Can't Kill Stephen King (2010)
Rating: ***
Starring:  Monroe Mann, Ronnie Khalil, Crystal Arnette

Stephen King is the least I would expect to be involved in a slasher, may it be written or filmed. While some of the shorts he wrote does have the bodycount ring to it, when it comes to straight teen-killings, he's just too complex for something quite as easy. (the film version of Silver Bullet is the closest to being a slasher. Watch it and you'll see all the clichés there.)

Now this being brought to light, it's likely to say we will never expect the Master Storyteller to take a jab at this sub-genre, but does this mean we will never see a straight Stephen King slasher? Not entirely, You Can't Kill Stephen King afterall!

Six teens are on a mini-van driven roadtrip to locate and tour the home town of Mr. King, although their main goal once they get there differs for each; Ronnie is an avid SK fan and perhaps the only one in the group who's excited to see the storyteller's town since the rest of his buddies, Iraq vet-slash-jock Monroe, the sisters Lori and Hilary, Nicole the slut and token black dude Lamont are only interested in having fun on the lake or with each other.

Once they reach the town however, the locals were not too kind with outsiders who utter Stephen King's name, quickly dismissing them, warding them off town or just simply act like jerks to the kids. Not that it matters for most of the gang (Ronnie is surely disappointed) but it goes for worse when someone starts to bump them off dead, one clichéd character at a time.

Okay, so technically this is a slasher that pays a tribute to Stephen King in a manner that only a low-budget film can afford. The gimmick here is that the murders are supposed to be based on killings in King's stories but, if you look at it, they're easily passed off as average murders that many other horror titles had done before. A few example of this is a hammer murder that was supposedly based on the twist in the short story The Man who Loved Flowers, and another involving a dead body found with its mouth stuffed with sand, which is a nod to the short Beachworld.

While it brings me joy that this movie pays a little bit more attention to King's more obscure stories, I can't help but think that, with a little more budget, this film could had done better murder-tributes to save itself seeing that, separating this catch of an idea from the story, you're basically left with another backwoods slasher-comedy with cheesey characters and hokey plot holes. It's not really terrible, it's just that You Can't Kill Stephen King felt like a missed opportunity, a movie with something creative to offer if it wasn't for the monetary restrictions.

Then again, it's terrible in a sense it's laughable and while the intended comedy is a hit-and-miss, you can still get a few chuckles along the way in its attempt, making this a good movie to see if your tolerance to the cheddar is amazing! It's a movie made out of passion and respect, humble at its best to keep up glued for a while and just let us have a good time. It gets a little weird at times but it sure is fun as heck!

Far from the deep, terrifying, wondrous amalgam of everything you love and know about the man from Maine, You Can't Kill Stephen King is definitely a package of hammy lines and good ole' dad teen antics with a fairly decent twist. Recommended for King fans with a humor!
 
Bodycount:
1 female bashed on the face with a shovel
1 male gets his throat cut with a knife, slaughtered
1 female brained to death with hammer
1 female found dead with a mouth full of sand
1 female thrown off from height, falls to her death
Total: 5
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Random Fan Art Post: Mick Taylor

August 9, 2014, 4:20 am
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Of Wolf Creek franchise
Shit, been a while since I posted art here, eh?
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Robin Williams

August 16, 2014, 3:33 am
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1951-2014

"You'll have bad times, but it'll always wake you up to the good stuff you weren't paying attention to."

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Fatal Fears: Phobia (1980)

August 20, 2014, 1:11 pm
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Phobia (1980)
Rating: **
Starring:  Paul Michael Glaser, Susan Hogan, John Colicos 

Psychiatirst Dr. Peter Ross is up to something revolutionary in treating phobias. Too bad it's also quite controversial; six inmates are given the opportunity to earn their freedom by taking part on Ross' experimental method on curing/facing phobias by showing them recorded simulations of their actual fears through a really big TV screen. How is this revolutionary, or more importantly, help these poor saps is beyond me but problems are abound when these patients began dying one by one, ironically under the nature of their own fears.

By today's standards, this may not be entirely new, significantly since we have better titles with the same gimmick, and, sadly, the steady-yet dull direction of the movie and the lack of any believable reaction 9or acting for that matter (around the cast doesn't do any better in return. Phobia's less of a slasher and more of a thriller with an air of (failed) sophistication and a whodunit angle that barely makes you think since the twist is too darn obvious, thus barely making through with a passing grade for my viewing but have to commend some of the scenes for their shred of effective tension. There's a little trail of cheese through out the movie's plot but seeing this is one of the earlier (if not the first) attempts to do a bodycounter revolving around phobias, I can look over some of these cons and appreciate the effort.

Maybe with a better (and more talented) cast, more inventive kills or at least a tenser and livelier approach, we may get something out of this film but on it's own, Phobia is a viewing for horror completists and/or hardcore slasher fanatics only. Nothing else to note, see it if you're curious.

Bodycount:
1 female decimated by a bomb
1 male falls to his death
1 female drowned in a tub
1 male crushed in an elevator shaft
1 male found dead from snake bite
1 male shot on the eye
Total: 6
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"Do it": Cassandra (1986)

August 23, 2014, 3:44 am
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Cassandra (Australia, 1986)
Rating: ***1/2
Starring: Tegan Charles, Tessa Humphries, Dylan O'Neill 

Ozploitation slashers are awfully little in number but arguably most of the outcomes are quite favorable; the best examples of this is the amazing Wolf Creek franchise but among many others, we also have the evil genius-themed Dead Kids (1981) (AKA Strange Behavior), the theatre-motif Stagefright (1980), the made for TV Coda (1987) and the Post-90s teen kill Cut.

Now, we will be reviewing an exceptionally rare Cassandra, a gothic thriller that literally starts with a bang as we watch a scenario of an apparent suicide-by-shotgun of a woman while a creepy boy coaxes her to "do it". We soon see that this is all but a dream of a teenager named, one that she is constantly having to the point she wonders if this is a repressed memory from her childhood. Whenever she shares this with her parents, they simply brushed this off as just her imagination, even if they later hinted with each other that they may know a thing or two regarding the events. Nevertheless, all are bound for the worse when Cassandra discovers her father, a photographer, is having an affair and probably impregnated one of his models and soon escalates further when said model was found murdered later the following night.

The cops turn up and starts questioning everybody who could be involved but stranger things are at play when we found out that Cassandra saw the murder through an unexplained psychic link with the killer. Now it's up to her to figure out what's really going on and uncover the horrible truth of her past, in an attempt to stop the killer before they strike again.

What I really love about Cassandra is that it has style; take for granted that the story isn't all that amazing, even more if you could take the time to notice the number of slasher influences it had to work with, the execution for the most of its parts are impressive nonetheless and I like the way they utilize heavy editing to create an atmospheric movie. Colored lenses and wild camera angles expresses varying tones befitting a particular scene, often using the dream-like take again and again that it's almost supernatural, and a practical use of landscape shots to give some sort of isolated feeling, which kinda suits the situation our lead ends up being in as she goes on to discover her dark past alone.

Sadly, this film isn't perfect; other downs that a viewer might go through apart from the unoriginal story is that the performances are varying save Tessa Humphies who did an fine job as our titular character, portraying a troubled yet likable teenager who just wanted some answers. The others are quite questionable in regards to their talent but thankfully, the atmosphere of the film lessens these blows, even if the cheesiness of their parts reeks from time to time. I also have to point out the soap-opera subplots were rarely effective and it kinda dragged the film to a snail pace in the middle before catching up once more in the last act. Until then, we get a few murders, not entirely exceptional save a cool looking beheading, but since the movie is story-driven, I can overlook the lack of blood in favor of stylistics. 

You could call it an art film in the same likeness of other slasher titles like Spain's Anguish (1987) and the British Thriller/bodycounter hybrid White of The Eye (1987) with its "style over substance characteristics", something that may have put Cassandra in the obscurities in the first place but let not this issue hinder you from seeing this rare gem as for the right audience, this can be a classy trash well deserved to be enjoyed!

Bodycount:
1 female shot her face off with a shotgun
1 female knifed on the neck
1 male stabbed and decapitated with a shovel
1 male stabbed offscreen and bled to death
1 male repeatedly shot and set on fire
Total: 5
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Beware The Clowns: The Camp Blood Trilogy Review

August 23, 2014, 5:27 am
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Camp Blood (1999)
Rating: **
Starring:  Jennifer Ritchkoff, Michael Taylor, Tim Young

No, we are not gonna talk about Camp Crystal Lake's nickname here. Instead, We're gonna look into another killer-in-the-woods type with a low budget, bad acting and a murderer with a suit that really stands out in a backwoods slasher. Seriously, why the heck is he wearing a clown mask? That ain't outdoors-esque!

Well, whatever the gimmick this maniac have in mind, it sure works quite well as a campfire tale for four campers and their butch lesbian guide out on a camping trip, and too to a doomsayer they met along the way who claims that legend is real. Right, we've been down this road for a couple of times so it's no shock that one of their friends was found cooked on the bonfire the next morning. How nobody noticed the smell of burnt meat is beyond me but no sooner after they decided to run into the woods for dear life, the infamous clown arrives to make butcheries out of them.

Camp Blood could work as a cheesy fondue of everything you know about slashers (mostly backwoods like the obvious inspiration Friday the 13th) without making much of an effort. The acting is horrible for everybody and the camerawork is amateur at its near fullest, this title might come off as insulting for many (and I completely understand them) but the pros would be the even pacing and the nostalgia-inducing low quality might do good for the right type of viewer as a mean of  "so-bad-it's effin-hilarious" charm.

Though I'm no fan of the film, I do come to appreciate the movie's attempts to be a simple and fun slasher which very existence is to entertain the trashy folks. Obviously not for just anyone so watch at your own risk!

Bodycount:
1 male ran through the chest with a machete
1 female hacked to death with a machete
1 male beheaded with a machete
1 male slaughtered with a machete offscreen
1 male had his shoulder chopped with a machete (flashback)
1 female slashed with a machete (flashback)
1 male hacked on the head with a machete
1 female stabbed on the gut with a hunting knife
1 male had his neck broken
1 male hacked to death with a machete
1 female ran over by a car
Total: 11

Camp Blood 2 (2000)
Rating: **
Starring: Jennifer Ritchkoff, Garrett Clancy, Missy Rae Hansen

Following up the unfortunate events of the previous installment, fate of our lone survivor now hangs on her in retracing everything that happened in the massacre that took place prior so she can prove herself completely sane and wasn't responsible for the death of nine victims. All the while, she shares these events with a low-budget director who's planning to do a movie based on the killings and finds a gimmick on using the possible murder suspect as a guide of sorts to make sure this film is as accurate as possible. What they didn't expect is that the clown, or someone donning as the clown have returned to do more killings, targeting staffs and actors alike.

No means any better but I do saw some improvements; for starters, the story has a nice touch of complexity, straying a bit away from the bare-bone "kids go to the wood then die" set-up to create at least some depth and situation for some of its characters. Of course, this being a cheap direct-to-video concoction, the rest of the cast are one-dimensional and are simply there for meat, and the plot is tainted with enough hamminess and holes to start someone's boiling point.

Still, I could give further points up from the fact that this sequel feels like a parody of low-budget production, stabbing at the cliches, troubles and joys of making a home-made horror film. It's this take on the plot that got me following, but not entirely enjoying, this franchise, hoping to see further improvements in each film.

Gore-wise, Camp Blood 2 didn't shy away from the machete kills and it is bloodier in comparison. The killer still dons the cheap black gear and mask combo, but though the clown mold is noticeably different. (Not that it matters anyway) Apart from these pros, there's nothing else to say for the rest except that it's pretty much your average garden-grown SOV horror.

Still lacking any real sense of dread but fluidly paced, Camp Blood 2 is a sequel nobody asked for but exists anyway to satisfy whatever number of fans the first gathered with it's cheapness and cheesy production. Again, not for everyone but if you're willing to waste a good hour and minutes to watch a horror movie set being terrorized by a wanker in a clown mask, be my guest!

Bodycount:
1 female found with throat cut
1 male ran through the chest with a machete
1 female knifed to death
1 male hacked to death with a machete
1 male hacked to death with a machete
1 female ran through the head with a machete
1 male gets a machete to the head
1 male gets his throat cut with a machete
1 male hacked on the back with a machete, stabbed on the eye with a broken bottle
1 female hacked to death with a machete
Total: 10

Within the Woods (2005)
Rating: **
Starring: Athena Demos, Alex Gordon, Janelle Herrera

More of a retelling of the first with a new set of characters and with a much more fluid modern look, Within The Woods follows a reality show producer who plans to use the legend of the Camp Blood Clown as motif. And as of his cue was called in, the Clown, or someone donning the clown, pops up to do bodily dismemberment to each and everyone involved in the set. The thing about this is that it took quite a bit before the clown shows up to butcher the contestants (a few deadly casualties did got in the way for an added kill count) and we did have yet again some feeble attempts to deepen this entry's line of meat as well as re-tell the story of the Camp Blood Clown (and the events of the two prior entries for the unfamiliar ones) over a camp fire. Once these kids woke up for the next morning, they discover some of their friends are missing and/or dead, and soon we repeat the run-stalk-kill last third of the first movie with a familiar twist.

So it's nothing more but the same old stuff, Within The woods' only improvement is that it looks a little better, there were some plot direction and some better talent. It's still bad but watchable as a campy slasher that, like the first, was made to entertain the simple folks with a standard horror story, some awfully big plot holes and really cheap kills.

Not much else to say, Within The Woods is quite forgettable but a fair swing nevertheless. See it if you want but you're not gonna lose much either if you skip this.

Bodycount:
1 male has his throat cut with a machete
1 female hacked with a machete
1 female slashed with a machete
1 male pushed to an upright branch, impaled through the head
1 female murdered, later found with throat cut (story)
1 male slashed with a machete (story)
1 male stabbed to death with a buck knife
1 female seen dead at the foot of a cliff (?)
1 male gets a thrown machete through the gut
1 female slashed with a machete
1 female electrocuted via current
Total: 11 (?)
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O.D. phone home: Brain Damage (1988)

August 23, 2014, 5:34 am
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Brain Damage (1988)
Rating: ****1/2
Starring: Rick Hearst, Gordon MacDonald, Jennifer Lowry

Are we to consider a movie revolving around an alien brain-eater that looks like a talking turd a slasher? Well, even in my book I'm questioning the credibility of this film to be reviewed here but nevertheless, said alien is sentient enough to know what he is doing and that's a fitting factor to a classic horror killer so, what the heck!? Least the little guy knew how to give us a splashing good time!

Written and directed by the obscure body horror aficionado Frank Henenlotter (of the Basket Case trilogy), Brain Damage starts inside a New York apartment where a middle age couple gleefully prepares some fresh animal brains for someone-or something- named Aylmer. However, they discover that whatever was supposed to be feeding on these brains had now escaped their apartment, putting the couple to a storm of a fit thrashing their place as they search for it.

One floor below them lies Brian, a young man who just recently lets go of his date since he's feeling a little under the weather. By the time he is all alone in his apartment, he suddenly went through an acid trip that sort of improved his condition and soon discovers that Aylmer, a smooth talking, John Zacherle-voiced alien slug, had just injected him on the nape with a highly-addictive blue juice that heightened Brian's senses and just chose him to be his new companion. Now hooked on the juice, Brian willingly lets Aylmer hang around and inject his strange liquid again before storming out into the streets, experiencing his own personal the light and sound show.

But all is not without its price; Aylmer eats brains to survive and the fresher it is, the better, and with Brian's addiction for the juice taking over his life, he now has no choice but to provide this alien his much preferred food source in exchange for a fix.

Not much of a slasher channeling the likes of Friday the 13th or Halloween(1978) but more of Henenlotter's own first Basket Case film only with a more outrageous yet thought-provoking plot, Brain Damage is a horror film morality tale showing the dangers of drug use and addiction. Aylmer's first conversation with Brian was one of the first few hints of this theme as the slug's inviting voice and promises of a worry-free life sounds too good to be true for something without any form of drawback, and this further escalates to a full parallel when Brian tries to withdraw from the juice, only for him to end up so distressed and twitchy that he started to see things and grows weak, physically, mentally and emotionally. It's really uneasy and the comparison works so well that, even an intellectual person might appreciate the message.

The great thing about this film is that it is not that preachy with the subject and it doesn't forget that it is still a cheesy horror movie; gore is delightfully red in true Henenlotter fashion, mixed in with a good amount of weirdness and sexual undertones that one phallic kill becomes so memorable for its unusual and unexpected nature. The city is yet again shown to be the perfect backdrop for a plot revolving around unhealthy addiction, a similar taste done for the first Basket Case film and his horror-comedy Frankenhooker. Acting is variable, which is uncommon for low budget films like this but Rick Hearst certainly did well on portraying our troubled addict, showing a range of emotions and acting from the silliest to the deeply unsettling. Of course, there's also the movie's main attraction, Aylmer, portrayed as an animatronic puppet with an impressive design and mechanism with Zacherle's voice acting that gave this creature the life and (infamous) fame he is known for around the hardcore horror community,  a quite likable character of flair despite the threat that he poses once we accept his little offer.

Perhaps the director's best horror movie by my experience and enjoyment, coming from the fact that with so little budget, he managed to pull off something this weird yet complexly deep, Brain Damage is a must see and own for not only slasher addicts who are open to accept the more curious types of maniacs out there, but also horror fanatics in general. Nothing does a good scare and a few laughs than this 80s gem, especially if you're the clean type!

Bodycount:
1 male had his brains eaten by an alien slug
1 female had her brains eaten from her mouth by an alien slug
1 male had his brains eaten by an alien slug
1 female had her brains eaten from her mouth by an alien slug
1 female had her brains eaten by an alien slug
1 male dies from his head wound
1 alien slug crushed to death
1 male shot on the head
Total: 8
A man with a Wicker Basket. Seems familiar?
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Random Art Post: Today I Love...

August 24, 2014, 3:53 am
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Guardians of The Galaxy. (Especially Rocket Raccoon)
Is it Blasphemy to say I think this movie is SUPERIOR to The Avengers? Well, maybe. I'll probably get stoned for saying that but meh, I LOVE this movie! Best Marvel Movie Since the first The Amazing Spiderman!

Art (c) Mine. No Stealy Please!
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The One Boll Didn't Direct: Seed 2: The New Breed (2014)

August 31, 2014, 10:41 pm
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Seed 2: The New Breed (US/Canada, 2014) (AKA "Blood Valley: Seed's Revenge")
Rating: **
Starring: Natalie Scheetz, Nick Principe, Caroline Williams

Why on Earth would anyone be interested in doing this? I mean come on, did Uwe Boll's film Seed really needed a follow-up? With almost little to no horror junkies out there supporting that movie, where is the point of marketing a franchise surrounding a film so utterly unlikable and pathetic even for a trashy horror film?

I guess if someone else would direct it, the film could work, so let's all thank the gods then that this was the case; Boll only acted as the producer for Seed 2: The New Breed and handed the directorial job to Marcel Walz, a German director who apparently had done a lot of horror films which I've never seen or heard of before. (Not that I'm ashamed of that fact. I do have a life outside horror!)

Here, we follow four bachelorettes driving through the dessert after their party last night but only to meet some strange fellows along the way before being stranded due to a dead engine. Around this time, a mysterious police woman offered her help to them but unknown to the girls, she's simply leading them to meet a good friend of hers: Max Seed, the star murderer of our prior movie.

I will say that the only good thing these Seed films seem to do is that they come up with some pretty shocking (and sometimes disturbing) scenes; the first did this by showing us real black-and-white footages of a fox hunters abusing and skinning foxes alive, had a part where a baby is starved to death and, perhaps its most notorious, show us a lengthy scene where a chair-tied woman was bludgeoned to death with a hammer. (which is, as unflinchingly mean-spirited it is, done away in CG) Sadly, as shocking as these scenes are, the empty plot vouched nothing for the first movie, making it a rather pointless bodycounter which sole purpose is to upset us blood, gore and violence. Seed 2 is nothing different; it's still a messy, plotless dreck that seems to be a mix of 2003's The Texas Chainsaw Massacre and 2006's The Hills Have Eyes reboots, only it does the tension play a little better and it's hardly boring.

Perhaps the interesting bit about Seed 2 is that it had taken a non-linear plot flow similar to Tarantino's classic crime thriller Pulp Fiction, where, starting from the second act, scenes are jumbled as we see victims killed, injured or left alive in one moment but seen later otherwise. It's like a huge puzzle where we get to piece things together and once we do...uh,well not much really.

As mentioned before, Seed 2 is still generically plotless, with its gimmicky time-jump story-telling the only thing that made the tension working for it. It's no different from the other misogynistic new age slasher/torture porn hybrids out there, with a "big" reveal that, while it ties this film with the first, isn't really all that amazing. (Honestly, the movie could still function without this twist) There's grit in its kills and torture awaits for each victim (thanks to the effects work of Ryan "Gutterballs (2008)" Nicholson), but some of the elements just don't go too well. (There's some religious mumbo going on with our killers, which is strange considering there's no hint of Max Seed being a religious nut in the first.)

Not gonna lie, this is "sort-of" an improvement from the first, but I'm not too hot for this franchise yet. Maybe if they try something a little deeper without boring us to death (or, as I like to put it in my own terms, "Boll-ing it"), I might give consider another Seed movie a go. For now, Seed 2 is trash, but its a considerably watchable trash.

Bodycount: (in chronological order)
1 female had her neck crushed
1 male stabbed on the neck with a rail spike
1 male disemboweled with a kitchen knife, strangled with his own innards
1 female shot on the groin
1 female shot on the head
1 male bludgeoned with a hammer
1 female gets a broken neck
1 male throat cut with a machete
Total: 8
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Don't Go and see: The Movie House Massacre (1984)

September 6, 2014, 10:47 pm
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The Movie House Massacre (1984) (AKA "Blood Theatre")
Rating: *
Starring: Mary Woronov, Jenny Cunningham, Jonathan Blakely

From the mastermind who soon brought us the atrocious Hobgoblins (1988) comes this unlikely 80s slasher entry, which may as well be a fine example of how the sub-genre was losing its cool in the latter part of that decade.

Opening act; some sweaty looking theater manager goes around searching where his lover at and eventually finds her cuddling with another guy. Distraught of what he just saw, sweaty guy sets one of the film reels on fire backstage and, well, gassed his patrons to death. (you would think a roll of film (which is mostly nitrate) would ignite at this point and set the building ablaze, but no, all we see is a theater smoking up in a minute and a bunch of people lying on the floor, supposedly dead, in the next. Also, sweaty theater manager knifed the ticket lady to death just for the heck of it.)

Fast forward some years later, the seedy manager of the equally seedy Spotlite Theaters decides to expand to their eleventh location, which so happens to be the same movie house where the opening massacre occurred (of all the places), and sends out three of his employees to spiffy up the place and have it ready for the grand opening night without pretty much telling them of the place's history.

Don't ask why he didn't. I was busy chanting a mantra to myself to finish the film and do a fair review here just for you blokes and gals, so I may have missed it but all I know is that there was a promised $1000 bonus on their paycheck, so a projectionist, his girlfriend and some random guy who barely did anything (all of them teenagers) agreed to help but as soon as they step in to the place, spooky things started happening; doors suddenly lock up by themselves, stuffs are flipped over, smoke keeps coming out of nowhere, and there's an old guy in a tux and a knife killing random teens that goes inside the theater for God knows what reason. (That last statement goes for both the loon and the kids.)

This is as far as the plot goes for clarity and kinda much all there is too it; the actual execution of the movie have more "random unfunnies" that fails miserably, inexcusably and outrageously cheesy characters, blood-dry death scenes (one guy gets beheaded and there's hardly any blood spurting out of those stumps) and countless plot holes that it goes to a point you don't really know what exactly is this movie trying to do.

There are scenes here that could have been (or was) intentionally hilarious but the overall tone of the movie, plus the badly acted parts, yeah, nothing kills a gut-busting laugh more than overcooked (or undercooked) performances sided with a zero budgeted production. Heck, you can tell how desperate this movie was to top whatever slasher title was popular back then when they decided to suddenly give our killer supernatural powers even if the opening act barely made any indication for such a thing; for all we know it could be the ghosts of his victims haunting the place but they appear to be assisting their killer so I'm not too hot for that explanation myself, but even with this "development", The Movie House Massacre still failed to live by its title, with most of the murdering happened offcamera (or hardly seen due to the lighting. Again, zero budget) and, well, too silly to satisfy a blood crave. (one of them died sliding down against a wall while some supernatural wind blew at her. Must be death by ghostly orgasm.)

Incompetent, unsatisfying and simply shit, much like Sloane's other films, The Movie House Massacre is that one kind of movie that you just had to see to know how bad is it. So bad that many tried to keep their sanity by pretending this is a slasher spoof; might have worked a lot better for the film that way but, again, it's not even "so-bad-it's-funny" funny. With no shred of excitement, originality and at least a single working element to go by, just take our word for it and leave this slob alone unless you're to poke fun at it.

Bodycount:
1 female knifed to death
A number of people seen dead (by fire, smoke or whatever explanation you can come up with)
1 female knifed
1 female knifed to death
1 female killed offscreen
1 female knifed to death
1 female cooked inside a popcorn machine (dream)
1 female killed offcamera
1 male electrocuted against a projector
1 male beheaded
1 female killed (by sliding down against a wall)
1 male knifed on the back
Total: 11+
Least I could use this screencap for something...
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Threesome Terrors: Murder University (2012)

September 12, 2014, 6:22 am
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Murder University (2012)
Rating: ***
Starring:  Samantha Acampora, David Adams Murphy, Dave Almeida

Some of the box art for this film shows us a rather grim and serious shot of a victim cowering before somebody with an axe; little do some suckers know that, though there is a maniac with an axe (actually, three maniacs!), Murder University is anything but serious and grim, that is until the final half hour.

Taking place in a fictional Greensboro College in 1983, Josh is a freshman who just couldn't fit in with the weird and hockey people in campus, especially since he's the son of somebody with a history around there. But all things have gone for the worse when he gets captured by a trio of masked cult murderers.

Witnessing some slayings and almost a victim of one, Josh survived and was forcefully teamed-up with a detective who's on this case for quite some time now, and his daughter, who obviously had taken quite a liking to Josh the moment they met. As the kill count rises to double digits, it's only a matter of time before this trio of unlikely company find the truth behind these killings, and a twist that comes rather offbeat and dark.

Murder University resembles a Troma movie minus the crude gross-outs and more on the weird; Jamie DuFault's character Josh may as well be the only normal guy around and he's getting into a lot of trouble just for being one. His roommate's a dorky looking ladiesman who wears "I'm a Virgin" shirts and works in stripper bars, his professor profanes as a part of his teaching regime, and we all can't help but feel that every student and staff in this university is out to get our lead guy, even if some of them are meant to help him. More or less, the lack of any serious character here did kinda help us root for our lead as he is the only one with some real sense around, which also makes the sudden grim turn in the last third of the movie quite effective.

In fact, while I'm not too keen with the kind of humor Murder University was approaching, I love the fact they kept the slasher/horror elements as straight as possible, even delving into the thrill once in a while thanks to the healthy helping of chase scenes. The kills are sort of repetitive, unfortunately, limited to a series of axe hackings and beheading, with only a slight chance for the killers to get creative and pick something else as a murder weapon. (and when they did, it disappointingly shown as a black and white video shown to taunt our leads) Still, the lack of CG in these murders is a nice touch, staying true to the 80s heydays that this movie is taking tribute to.

Then there's the technical aspects; camera work and lighting had this giallo-esque take with candy tinting and editing done away with grainy detail. It's picturesque and fitting to the supposed decade the story takes place in, remarkable seeing how fair the budget was.

But what really impressed me about Murder University is its unpredictability; right in the beginning we're treated to something we didn't quite see coming from your classic a group of opening victims, and these unusual twists venture further into the movie as unexpected character deaths and changes swarmed crucial moments with enough shock factor to keep this low-budget gem memorable in its best.

May it fail to provide a workable comedy element, the movie still have a fair amount of pros to at least make a satisfying viewing. It could have been worthier should the directing kept the entire thing a "straight" 80s slasher tribute but, as even the dumbest flick out there would have their own following, Murder University will definitely have its own.

Bodycount:
1 male knifed on the gut
1 male head found
1 female beheaded with an axe
1 female hacked on the chest with an axe
1 female decapitated with an axe
1 male murdered offcamera, heart cut out
1 female had her throat cut until beheaded with a knife
1 female decapitated with an axe
1 female ran over by a truck, hacked with axes
1 male gets a throat cut with a knife (flashback)
1 female slashed to death with a knife (flashback)
1 female beheaded with an axe
1 male scalped with a kitchen knife
1 male had his crown sliced off with an axe
1 male killed offcamera
1 male found mutilated
1 female beheaded with an axe
1 female shot
1 male found gutted
1 female knifed on the gut (film)
1 female shot on the head (film)
1 male smothered with a plastic bag (film)
1 male neck broken
1 male neck broken
1 male axed on the gut
1 male gets an axe-pick to the head
1 male axed on the gut
1 male shot
Total: 28
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Cybercrime That ain't worth Time: Cam2Cam (2014)

September 20, 2014, 12:46 am
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Cam2Cam (2014) (AKA "C2C, Darknet")
Rating: *1/2
Starring: Tammin Sursok, Ben Wiggins, Sarah Bonrepaux

Slasher movies involving cyberspace are not the likeliest bunch to really work out there without getting some criticism on their attempt to mix our most modern social element with something as cliched as bodycount horror films. Still, sometimes it's all in the delivery that could make it work otherwise; CRY_WOLF (what could be considered as the earliest example of these films) has a watchable direction despite its lack of real sizable killcount, 2009's Chain Letter got the gore going in favor over a cheesy plot, and perhaps 2013's The Den might be the only one title to make this slasher variation creepier than it should be!

But of course, with the likes of other titles like Smiley (2012) and iMurders, there will always be flawed ones and Cam2Cam sadly falls in with these clutter.

Taking place in Thailand, we begin with a lengthy scenario involving a woman, alone in her cheap apartment, playing tease with another woman over a video chat site. What started as a kinky play soon escalates to a vulgar and creepy conversation; a tad too late to back out now as our girl notices her chatmate was stripping while the message was being typed and whoever it was on the other side of the site knew what she was doing. (Think the opening for Scream, less star power and more cybertalk) The woman's geeky-looking neighbor shows up, supposedly checking on her until he reveals that all of this was his doing, viciously beheading her after a lengthy monologue about how he's tired of being treated as shit by women.

A few weeks later, we now follow Allie (Pretty Little Liar's Tammin Sursok) a visiting student who wanted to party hard in Thailand while she takes a year off campus. She finds a place to stay in a dirty looking apartment complex and she befriends a group of highly accented English-speaking foreigners who, after some night of partying, introduced her Cam2Cam, a paysite where people can buy time to watch other people do the sickest and the most bizarre sexual deviancy over the web. Note, the apartments and the site where the same ones from the opening kill so if this is to say anything, we can easily tell these kids may have something to do with the murder but just about half an hour into the movie, our killer suddenly kills himself by jumping unto an incoming truck, thus thickening our plot into something unexpected.

Or will it?

The problem with Cam2Cam was, after the killer commits suicide, it all went downhill: with little to no characters to care for thanks to the bland development for both story and cast, the movie turns into a chore where the twists are be seen from a mile afar and a lack of atmosphere just made it dull to the very bone. The sadder part was that this tile felt like it never reached at least half of its full potential, with the lack of blood making it too dry for a slasher fanatic, the twists are too obvious and messy to work for mystery fans, and the scares are done too many times to impress a horror junkie.

Honestly, the only thing that worked here was the opening, even if we can easily tell that the scenario smelled trouble the moment we notice the supposed live feed loops and the chats type themselves. All the goodness of a slasher thriller was molded on that first fifteen minutes alone and soon to be exploited uselessly for the next hour (yes, this film's running time was a short one. Felt longer, though.) It tries to capture the dark and grimey underworld of Asia, (which is always ugly no matter how you look at it. I should know, I live in one!) but the exploitation angle limps uncomfortably if this is the only support the producers were aiming for to rally up the rest of the movie. You ought to think I should be used to this kind of trash by now but let me tell you this: there's redeemable trash and then there's utter garbage. Cam2Cam's overflowing flaws that outnumbered the good threw it straight into the garbage heap.

Obiously, I'm not too impressed. I'll subject myself to the dreaded Chain Letter and/or Smiley over this anytime.

Bodycount:
1 female beheaded with hatchets
1 male ran over by a truck
1 female found beheaded
1 male hacked to death with a hatchet
1 male hacked on the back with a hatchet
Total: 5
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Slipping into Conspiracies: Coma (1978)

September 27, 2014, 1:39 am
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Coma (1978)
Rating: ****
Starring: Michael Douglas, Rip Torn, Geneviève Bujold

Okay, no, this is not a slasher film; It's a medical thriller directed by the one and only Michael Crichton, who book lovers will know as the guy responsible to the novel Jurassic Park in which the blockbuster movie was based on, along with many other thrillers Hollywood had spew out during the 90s. (Sphere, Congo, The 13th Warrior, etc.) I decided to give it a spot here for the reason that the film heavily influenced some later examples of slashers, may it be the good, the bad, or the really awful in terms of with it's superb use of paranoiac fear and tension.

It revolves around an instance when a seemingly healthy patient who underwent a routine abortion suddenly slips into a coma, and her devastated bestfriend, a resident surgical doctor Susan Wheeler (Genevieve Bujold), deciding to look into the events to figure out what could had caused the complication. However, Susan instead notices a repeating pattern wherein similar cases of healthy patients going brain-dead had been going on in this hospital for quite some time over the years. Dwelling further to what may appear to be a conspiracy within her colleagues, Susan has no choice but investigate these cases herself, all the while escaping the grasp of a hired stalker and decide who to trust and who to avoid.

A mature thriller that focuses more on the amateur sleuth work of our heroine doctor, most of the slasher elements are missing but the stalk-heavy scenes midway into the movie strikes a lot of resemblance to our horror sub-genre. And then there's the motive, which is something that had been done for a bit in our more modern entries such as Turistas and Train (2008), making Coma the groundwork for these titles, but the difference between this film and those titles (apart from their budget) is that Coma succeeds in making itself darker in a "less-is-more" fashion. True that the bodycount is tiny and the only moment you'll get to see some blood is during that scene where Bujold character visits the morgue and chat with some friendly morticians, but horror of the movie relies on the fringe factor: this is a high class and well-bred hospital, full of professional staffs who clearly, from their outer shell, can be trusted. They are far from the dirty and gritty third-world conspirators but on the other side of the clean demeanor is a secret that may spell the end of you, and just in case you hadn't figured out the connection between this movie and the two others I mentioned above, then you're in heck of a surprise to what they do to someone with a healthy kidney. (Or not, but it will show how much of a movie geek are you!)

The realism of the film also helps add the fear factor as the conspirators' method is scientifically sound and may be replicated in real life. of course, there's also a bit of visual fantasy played around for showcase; I love the bit where our heroine takes a tour to an affiliated facility known as the Jeffrson Institute, where coma victims are taken in for monitoring, a treatment mostly involving having these patients hoisted in the air by a system of wires and cables which adjusts on their own whenever a reading goes off. The concept is visually haunting, portrayed with an Italian Giallo-like overtone and inspires a sense of awe one only can get from something ingenious, fitting since this room became a bit of a sale art for both the film and the Robin Cook Novel it was based on.

It's a bit slow at first but when we finally got our first onscreen coma case, the movie begins to pick pace and fluidly moves forwards thanks to Bujold's rootable performance. We also had Michael Douglas in one of his earliest big screen movie roles as Dr. Mark Bellows, an on-off lover of our heroine with a well-played friend-or-foe characterization, adding up once more to the paranoiac tension our casts had to deal with, something best described as Hitchcockian due to its simplicity being synonymous to a whole lot of manageable build-up. (And too Crichton's own blink and you miss cameo role!)

It's a little outdated but Coma works pretty good; like a gothic horror mystery with a clean-cut hospital for a backdrop, twists, shocks and thrills awaits for you beyond these white halls as a sinister plan goes unveiled one scene at a time.

Bodycount:
1 female slips into a coma, later dies from complications
1 male electrocuted against a generator
1 male found dead
Total: 3
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It Seams A Little Tired: The Seamstress (2009)

September 27, 2014, 4:00 am
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The Seamstress (Canada, 2009)
Rating: *
Starring:  Kailin See, David Kopp, James Kirk
Uh, yeah, we know what revenge means.
It's in almost EVERY slasher movie ever made!

Take everything you know about backwood slashers/monster feature (as in teens in the woods having sex for fun dying one by one), put in a floaty J-Horror-like ghost with needles for fingertips and weapons as our bad guy, and one uninteresting mystery involving a teen girl looking for some answers to why her dad suddenly changed personality and later disappears in said woods (obvious answer, he's involved some way with the villain's current supernatural state) and you get The Seamstress, a rather uninspiring mess that tries to do an effort to create a possible new face of horror but fails to.

Why? Characterization, flow and plot. The cast weren't exactly terrible, but the characters they play were as flat as flapjacks and barely stood up in anyway except that a couple there was newly engaged and another had some sort of tired love-triangle with the main gal. Our protagonist, even, was laughable in her current semi-depressed state; played by Kailin See from Decoys 2: The Second Seduction, she makes an early statement that she really meant business in her mystery-solving hoo-ha by readily accusing and yelling at one of the townfolks pointed out to had last seen her dad, calling him a murderer the moment she saw him. Yeah, so much for rooting for our heroes.

To salt our wounds, the movie runs for 76 minutes but it took about 45 before they get the action going. In media res, we are treated to witness an "offscreen" torture session of the town's local sheriff as he mutilates a possible vigilante who, like Kailin See's character's father, may have something to do with The Seamstress. And with her being said, this monster wasn't even all that terrifying, intriguing or even memorable. She comes out being an amalgamation of the Tooth Fairy from Darkness Falls and Sadako Yamamura/Samara Morgan from The Ring series, with a whispery voice and armed with needles which she uses to sew people's eyes shut as well as a stabbing weapon (I'm aware how small it is but she made it work), but has the unfortunate luck of having an origin story-slash-motive that's really worn out for our standards. (And yet the script tries to make it look like as if this is all new and unique.)

The end result is a tirade of tired backwoods shenanigans and vengeful ghost cliches. No cast to care for, no villain to root for and definitely no twist to shock us. Production has some quality but the flashy editing and CG effects shows how much was spent, and judging from what I'd seen, not enough to make The Seamstress work at all.

Bodycount:
1 male buried down the neck, tortured to death
1 male found dead with his eyes sewn shut
1 female thrown to a bonfire
1 female stabbed on the neck with a needle
1 male murdered offcamera
1 male stabbed on the chest with a needle, fell down a well
1 male shot on the face
Total: 7
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Random Can Be Deadly: Blood Was Everywhere (2011)

September 27, 2014, 5:37 am
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Blood Was Everywhere (2011)
Rating: ***1/2
Starring: Ashley Arnold, Kimberly Simone, Larry Holden

Remember Final Exam (1980)? That slasher film where we spent an entire hour looking into the lives of students and suddenly gets a random killer on the loose with little to no explanation? Well, looks like somebody in the name of Jason Torey thought this might be a swell idea to try and wrote and directed this magnificent piece of indie.

Originally an independent remake of Friday the 13th (but reworked into an original feature after the director found out Platinum Dunes was remake that movie in 2009), the movie centers around a small Massachusetts town suddenly gets an unfortunate visit from a faceless, nameless killer that had made a habit of sneaking into people's houses and murder anyone that he could find there. Do note at this point to expect the unexpected as this is not your typical slasher movie; it doesn't have a  a single protagonist or a single focused group as random citizens from an entire town are simply characters, some of which we get to focus on at a part but may or may not lead to anything. As we do go on watching these folks' daily lives, our killer makes small appearances, mainly through POV or a simple shot of his shoes, hands or his body on the neck down, skulking around and studying his prey before he comes for the kills.

What I enjoyed from this movie is that, even with the unconventional plot flow, it works very well to keep up the tension as we literally have no idea what's going on and we don't know whether we should worry or not for the characters' fates. Just think of this experience as entering a real town yourself, some place you never knew, and then suddenly you're hearing news of an entire family being murdered inside their own home. That feeling of fear an anxiety was something this movie tried to accomplish but the effectiveness of it relies heavily to how well you can take the narrative, as well as how far you could ignore the amateurish acting and delivery from its casts. Of course, this also place this film in a risk of disconnecting itself with its viewers; a slasher with little casts to support and connect to tends to lose its impact.

Those who were hoping for a traditional slasher film maybe disappointed with it's steady pacing and plentiful fillers involving characters going through their lives which almost made this film lacking of a solid story, but rest assured, there will be blood. The murders are Godsent traditional and bloody without going viscera-mad on us, kinda like your classic 80s sets of murders where things are simple yet messy. Once the killer do make his pressence known, expect the faceless mute maniac to do his worse, all in the standards of realism and savagery of a home invasion.

Completed with a budget of fifty grand, Blood Was Everywhere is a delightfully harrowing movie that shows what true talent and skills can do for homemade horror movies. Unique, tainted and agreeably bloody, best to keep a free mind when watching this and try to forget some of what you already knew about the slasher sub-genre to fully enjoy this gem.

Bodycount:
1 male bludgeoned to death
1 female gets a throat cut with a boxcutter
1 male found hacked to death with a hatchet
1 male hacked to death with a hatchet
1 male gets a throat cut offcamera
1 male stabbed on the gut with a knife
1 male knifed to death
1 female knifed on the head
1 female beaten to death offcamera with a baseball bat
1 male had his face beaten with a baseball bat
Total: 10
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A Killer Paradox: Timecrimes (2007)

September 30, 2014, 5:22 pm
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Timecrimes (Los Cronoscrimenes) (Spain, 2007)
Rating: ****
Starring: Karra Elejalde, Candela Fernández, Bárbara Goenaga

I may not be a big scifi fan but I am willing to give a few a try considering they're well worth it; so long as it doesn't get too confusing and use too many plot twists just for the sake of franchising, I'm all up for it! (odd coming from a Doctor Who fan) Mix it in on some mad slasher films and I'll guarantee to you that you'll have me baited! But to do one perfectly is hard, which is why I'm always so open to see one and keep an open mind to appreciate their efforts.

And while many easily did this by exchanging fleshy humans for robots (HARDWARE (1990) and Chopping Mall (1986)) and aliens (Alien (1979), Without Warning (1980) and Almost Human (2012)) for killers, or lazily chucking slasher heroes into a scifi setting (Leprechaun 4: In Space and Jason X), director Nacho Vigalondo tried a more grounded scientific exploit, which is the major plot point of this ingenious thriller.

Hector is a bored husband who's moving in with his wife to a new home, comfortably tucked near the woods. After being spooked by a silent phone call, he decided to pass the time by testing out his binoculars, spotting a radio tower and a girl who's currently stripping. Obviously thinking this is beyond ordinary, his curiosity leads him into the woods, looking for the nude girl but only to find her passed out against a rock. It was then when he found out he is not alone and a man with pink bandages covering his head stabs him with a pair of scissors, chasing him through the woods until he finds salvation in the form of the radio tower he spotted earlier. A voice from the building helped Hector get in  and eventually allows him to hide inside a large container filled with white liquid.

When he re-emerges, Hector finds himself exactly an hour earlier from the events involving the bandaged man, spotting his earlier counterpart and learning through the young scientist that lead him in that the container he went through was actually an experimental time machine. Despite the man protesting Hector to stay put and let the events play itself, hector nonetheless ventures out of the lab and will soon figure out he consequences of damaging the loop of time.

It's a swell flick that makes you think on how one same event will play out through different vantage points of the very same person, and of how desperate a situation can get considering it is something beyond our control; Timecrimes craftily played with this idea and despite it's lack of any real depth or meaning, it is surprisingly entertaining nevertheless.

Plot holes are, not surprisingly, present but what makes this thriller a bit different from your other time travel movies is that it dwells into the darker realm of the fictional science theme, tackling the subject of sacrifice and devolution of one's personality whenever the scenario comes to play, quite an extravagant theme that could overlook any flaws in the story without being all too complicated itself.

Told true, the limited settings and characters makes this story simple yet intriguing; the movie is vehicled by Karra Eljade's workable role as Hector, an average man plunge in a not-so average situation that, a person that while not too likable, you do get to feel for his plight as he tries to piece things together. There are other casts, including the director himself who played the young scientist that does his best to help is estranged subject, all are strong in their respective roles but slightly overshadowed due to the film's focus on Hector. The "slasher" aspect of the film, interestingly, wanes the further the plot goes, beginning in full force before disappearing as the later parts becomes a situation/character study.

Timecrimes is a scifi film that is accessible in its lack of over-complicated twists and yet promises every possible small detail will hide a higher purpose. It's the best of both worlds and it's often hard to come by of such a film that perfectly balances itself. May you be a horror fan, a scifi geek or a plain movie lover, this thriller definitely offers an excellent viewing.

Bodycount:
1 female pulled off a roof, fell to her death.
Total: 1
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Hello Sidney: Scream (1996)

October 2, 2014, 1:04 am
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Scream (1996)
Rating: ****1/2
Starring: Neve Campbell, Courteney Cox, David Arquette

By the late 80s, slasher films were dead. Mainstream slashers to be more precise! With just a few titles left alive trying to keep the torch warm and bright, these movies are no more than rehashed sequels, shot on video atrocities and other mini-budgeted obscurities. Now, some of them did made a name for themselves, with such titles like Dr. Giggles, Maniac Cop and Popcorn (1991) becoming cult favorites, but others like Demon Warrior (1988), Blood Lake (1987) and Iced (1988) may knocked the genre back a step or two with their obscurity and tired formula.

It wasn't until around 1996 when the genre found a new voice; through a little title by Wes Craven (the only guy I know who made slasher films that tries not to be slasher films) simply called Scream.


We got, first, the infamous opening; Drew Barrymore stars in a cameo appearance as a poor blonde who finds herself a victim of a deranged caller who threatens to murder her and her boyfriend if she fails to answer their trivial quiz correctly. After a few successful rounds, she unfortunately slipped a wrong answer (involving Jason Voorhees's franchise) that costs her boyfriends life, but sickeningly, the killer gives her one more fighting chance to get one right. Turns out to be a ruse, however, when out star killer, Ghostface, finally appears and gave a brief chase. Soon, he catches up with his target, all the while the girl's parents are driving back home, unknown to them that their daughter's being murdered right under their noses and eventually finds her hanging on a tree, gutted.

The news of these killing inevitably broke out the next day and reporters of all shapes and sizes begin filling up the street as they try to get the latest scoop regarding the murders. Caught in this circus is one Sidney Prescott, who's still coming in terms with her mother's death just a year ago; when her father left her alone for a business trip later that night, she find herself targeted next by the killer in their attacks; barely escaping when the cops finally arrived, Sidney later suspected her boyfriend Billy of the crime after he appears just moments after Ghostface ran away that night, with a phone found in his possession with her number dialed.

This, however, was proven to be a mistake when the real killer phoned again no soon after Billy was arrested. Now with her boyfriend upset over her accusations and some of kids from her school taunting her of her mistakes, Sidney finds herself alone with the problem she's about to have when the killer began appearing in her school, intent on finishing what they started. With the attacks becoming more constant, the school staff had no choice but to suspend all classes until the killer is caught, something the wilder bunch of these teens see as something to celebrate by going to a secluded house near the woods, getting drunk and watching horror flicks. Of course, Sidney and her gang is attending it as a mean to lay off some steam (and for our lead girl, mend some broken hearts) but what's not made aware for them is that the killer had also found out about the party and finds it as the perfect set-up for his own horror movie finale.

Although the pretext of self-awareness isn't entirely new to the sub-genre, as titles like Evil Laugh, Blood Sisters and even Friday the 13th's own Jason Lives had a character or two who obsesses over slasher clichés and made their own observably witty quips, none of them had used it as a theme and focus as this little masterpiece did, somehow saving the sub-genre from direct-to-video mediocrity. Satirizing slasher flicks with hip and trendy self-awareness to the clichés usually found in this genre, Scream is a mad dash hybrid of whodunit mystery, teen drama and some fine slasher-inspired killings, resulting to a smart yet seemingly traditional dead teenager movie that warmly sits with its kin.

This new angle had given an opportunity for the movie to deconstruct itself and see all the tropes that it could avoid. True enough, the movie is devoid of gory kills, gratuitous nudity (only one sex scene, and it's simply implied!) and exploitative situation, instead focusing on its characters and how they react in a bizarre situation with much realism and knowledge to the films they're supposed to be in. Yes, while some clichés are unavoidable, such as the twisty reveal made in the end that seems plausible but too well-thought, it's usually made for laughs.

The choice to cast TV stars as our victims and suspects to be could count as a win-win element for the production and the target audience then; while director Wes Craven could had random teenagers from B-flicks appear as mincemeat, casting someone familiar for the "Dawson's Creek" crowd could reel in a good number of ticket sales and, miraculously, it did. Originally, Drew Barrymore asked for the lead role as Sidney Prescott, but had to decline due to a previous commitment she had made, leaving Craven to choose Neve Campbell from "Party of Five" to star as our troubled teen (like you and me. Or rather, the past you or me), just struggling not only to move on from her mum's rape-murder, but also to survive what seems to be a threat that could be anyone.

Barrymore was still given a role, though now as a minor character, yet her presence in the project somehow allowed the production to draw in some big names in the entertainment business; Then FRIENDS cast Courtney Cox took the role as Sidney's exploiting reporter rival Gale Weathers in hopes of changing her good girl status on the TV series, Skeet Ulrich from The Craft (which also starred Campbell) took a stab again in the horror genre as Billy Loomis, Sidney's boyfriend, and Jamie Kennedy from the post-modernized Shakespearean Romeo + Juliet as the movie geek Randy Meeks being the few names taken in by the film, plus a couple more almost drawn into the project, such as Rebecca Gayheart and even Brooke Shields. (Though Gayheart returns for the production of Scream 2, as another one of Sidney's new clique)

The original concept of Scream was that of a basic slasher film involving a woman alone in a house, to be terrorized by a loon, a story by screenwriter Kevin Williamsonthat was inspired from the crimes committed by serial killer Danny Rolling, AKA The Gainesville Ripper. While some of the original draft points still remains, such as the home invasion opening and the fact that our lead's mother was raped and murdered, the draft was more brutal and messy, including a more detailed disembowelment of a character. Cuts and re-writes were made to tone down the gore and violence in order for it to be bankable for the time being, as big studios back then didn't find horror films as sellable to the public; the result, however, was a more developed story that appears practicable enough to be made. Originally titled as "Scary Movie" (Kinda answers where a certain parody got that title), the draft would go through moments of development hell until Dimension Films picked it up from an auction, and tagged along Craven to direct it. Though the director, at first, turned down the offer, being committed on moving away from his persona as a horror director all the while ironically working on a remake of The Haunting, he soon took a shot on it and sees it as something entirely different from the kind of horror he had been making, which is honestly, almost all of them being slasher films. (Don't deny it people, Deadly Friend and Shocker had slasher written all over it.)

With a lengthy running time and almost no grue, Scream harkens something new to the public to answer their craving for horror, in turn saving slashers from being obscure. Albeit not entirely perfect in every way, its simply a matter of taste to whether the new approach is workable for the audience or not; majority enjoyed it, I simply find it as an entertaining new age classic, but for those who wanted for gore rolling down between some guy's legs or a less funnier looking get-up for their villain (let's face it, after Scary Movie, Ghostface looked a little less threatening), then this late 90s bodycount flick might be a different matter for them.

Still, for mad dash slasher fanatics like you and me, Scream deserves a good looking; whether you'll love it or hate it, you can't call yourself a slasher fan without seeing this lil' savior at least once.

Bodycount:
1 male disemboweled with a buck knife
1 female disemboweled with a buck knife, hanged on a tree
1 male stabbed to death with a buck knife
1 female crushed to death on a garage door
1 male gets a throat cut with a buck knife
1 male had his head crushed with a TV
1 male shot on the head
Total: 7
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Hello Again, Sidney: Scream 2 (1997)

October 2, 2014, 1:14 am
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Scream 2 (1997)
Rating: ***
Starring: Neve Campbell, Courteney Cox, David Arquette     

As any successful slasher film, sequels are bound to be made if it means satisfying both fans and the big fat wallets of their producers. In Scream's case, this is unsurprising.

Two years after the events of the first film, now dubbed as the Woodsboro Massacre, Sidney Prescott returns with what remains of the original cast as a college student now struggling to move on from the incident. But someone is hellbent on continuing what the two late culprits had started in a form of a real life horror sequel, with Prescott being the main star once again. Forced to know the rules of a slasher sequel, Sidney, her friends Randy and Dewey, along with now book writer Gale Weathers are forced to uncover the new mystery put out in front of them in hopes of saving more innocent lives from what appears to be another movie-obsessed maniac.

Although I'm sure this is a good movie, so long as I'm concerned, I was not satisfied with what I saw; After a really grueling opening where a couple is murdered inside a fully attended movie theater showing a sneak peak of Stab, an in-movie slasher flick based on the events of the original movie (with one of them dying in front of a cheering crowd), Scream2 eventually dragged down to a another self-satirical take on a murder mystery-cum-teen drama plot.
I admit, however, I find this hard to take seriously after
watching Scary Movie.
It actually embraced its predecessor's self-stabbing on horror conventions, this time a round the clichés of sequels such as higher bodycounts and more elaborate killings, throwing away what we usually expect in there follow-ups with something more realistic such as showcasing Sidney's attempt to move on to a better life in College, all the meantime trying to find out who's behind the Ghostface mask again with the other survivors, and too some new faces among the crowd. Unfortunately, as much of a cash-in this is to the first's success, Scream 2 really felt like I've just re-watched the same kind of self-aware shtick only a new polish, but ultimately failed to entertain me to the fullest.

 Expecting something quite different and original, I seriously find the hip, trendy self- satirical approach to be quite tiresome the second time around, with a story too connected to the first that I find hard enjoy on it on its own. The mystery angle isn't even as exciting; with the new casts so thin in terms of number and development, whoever was doing the killings could have been anyone but it's hard to fully shock twist a story if these characters are as thin as chopsticks. They're not fleshed out, save for one Cotton Weary, the suspected murderer of Sidney's mother who has now come to call in come compensation for these then-accusations. It's nice to see five of the original casts to return, on the other hand, something we don't get quite as often in a sequel; Campbell is still pretty good as the strong albeit troubled girl who had wise up a bit, Arquette and Cox returns as Sheriff Deputy Dewey and Gale Weathers respectively, a humorous power-couple with a knack for amateur snooping and on-off bickering with another; and who could forget Jamie Kennedy as Randy Meeks? The Sub-genre's most beloved movie nerd?

Slasher-wise, Scream 2 is still a bit smarter than most average 90s dead teenager flick does; it's complete refusal to be "just a sequel" gave way to a lot of detail that was played right and brought us a well-conceived continuity from its predecessor. The kill count is slightly higher and the murders are more elaborate and shocking, primarily the opening public kill and (gasp!) the death of Randy Meeks. (A daring move indeed) The scenes involving Ghostface stalking his victims were as fun as ever, pulling up a twist that somehow felt in place with the film's realistic tone.
RANDY! NOOOOO!
You will be remembered *spills a can of soda over his grave*
Scream 2 may not be my favorite entry in the franchise's sequel game (that place is taken by *gasp again!* Scream 3?!), but I cannot deny that it's a good film, Maybe just not as good as I expected it to be. Then again, it's very rare for a sequel to top the first title, with only a lucky few doing so (28 Weeks Later and V/H/S/2 for example. Try it out and see if you like!), so I guess I shouldn't be so hard for this film. When fans find this film a lot better than the first, I just find it okay and I ain't stopping any curious cats out there to try it.

Bodycount:
1 male gets a buck knife to the ear, stabbed to death
1 female repeatedly stabbed with a buck knife
1 female stabbed with a buck knife, thrown off a balcony
1 male repeatedly stabbed with a buck knife, throat cut
1 male gets his throat slashed with a buck knife
1 male impaled on a pipe
1 female stabbed to death with a buck knife
1 male shot
1 male shot to death
1 female shot repeatedly
Total: 10
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Hello Sidney, It's Mother: Scream 3 (2000)

October 2, 2014, 1:25 am
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Scream 3 (2000)
Rating:***1/2
Starring:  David Arquette, Neve Campbell, Courteney Cox

Oh-kay. Adding to my list of personal-unexpectedly-likable-sequels-that-nobody-else-seems-to-think-so is this here Scream 3.

Yes, I do get that it's the most tiresome and outlandish entry of the franchise until Scream 4 came around and gave us a cop who took five steps before dying from a forehead knife wound, but you just got to love the charm of a good "bad film" that finally embraces its identity as a slasher flick.

We open up with yet again another obscene caller harassing a victim; for this entry, it's Cotton Weary, three years later after the events of the last movie, and is now hosting his own talk show. After a few verbal threats to Mr. Limosine here, we then cut to his home where his lover is attacked by none other than another freak in a Father Death get-up (these things just don't run out, do they?) After a few brief struggle, the lady in black lingerie managed to run and lock herself to safety until Cotton returns to see if everything's alright. She attacks him, believing he is Ghostface unmasked, but of course, this accusations turn out wrong when she gets the bladed end on her back, right before our costumed killer turns his attention to the wounded Weary and kills him.

Elsewhere, we find out what our three remaining recurring stars are up to; Neve Campbell is still Sidney, now hiding deep in a Californian backwoods as a tad of shut-in, operating as a dial-in crisis counselor; Courtney Cox is still Gail Weathers, an anchorwoman now working in a sleazier tabloid show; and lastly we got David Arquette, still as Dewey, now working as a consultant for the production of the last entry in the in-movie slasher franchise Stab 3, based on the "Woodsboro Massacres".

It's the last days of the entry's filming in Hollywood when things began to shake up again in a wrong way as someone began offing the casts, one by one, in the same order as they're bumped off in the film's script. Even curious is the fact that the killer is donning the Ghostface mask. Believing they may have another film-obsessed psycho running around killing people, Gail and Dewey meet up in the set with hopes of stopping the spree before it gets worse, even if it means (once again) bickering with one another for some things they did to hurt each other in the past. Comically, this puts Gail in a sillier situation when the actor of her fictional counterpart in the Stab series decided to butt in and try to be a better snoop than her.

After mustering the strength to face the past and threat once again, Sidney also joins the investigation; she soon learns however, along with her friends, that her past might be more complicated than it looked, and it might hold a key on identifying who the killer is.

On a very personal note, I mostly prefer sequels that can be enjoyed on their own over those that relies too much on a continuous story that you have to see the previous entries just to understand everything, hence why I'll always prefer movie series like Friday the 13th, Halloween, A Nightmare on Elm Street and even Texas Chainsaw Massacre, over epics like Lord of The Rings and Harry Bladder. I mean Potter. Yeah, let's go with Potter...

Jay and Silent Bob in a cameo appearance.
Wonder if they get those profits they were talking about...
While the first two Screams tried to keep a grounded realism to its plot by keeping the in-movie jokes and dialogue as witty and justifiable as possible, Scream 3 had given more emphasis on humor with varying subtleties. This approach was met with mixed feelings from both critics and fans alike, and as much as I do find the comedic angle funny at most, I do understand why; the first two of the series tries to avoid the clichés and pokes fun at it, which could count as a mocking yet smart nod to genre fans alike. Scream 3 is a step away from avoiding these tropes and one more to just plainly accepting it, meaning a less sharper script that didn't quite capture the same level of satire as the ones written by Kevin Williamson. (He gave the treatment to another writer, Ehren Kruger, for re-writes) Incidentally, when the film was being made, the infamous Columbine High School Massacre was the hot topic then, thus would explain why a change of tone is needed; humor is taken a higher priority, forcing the film to draw away the gratuitous gore, to avoid a bad public eye as another round of " media witch-hunt" was at hand when those two gun-totting freaks puts the blame on horror films for their action. Wusses.

Thankfully, the violence has stayed, still, and the kill count is higher than the last. Not very gory, or imaginatively elaborate, but they did try to vary away from the classic knife stabbings and throat cuts. Victims to these atrocities were, sadly, worse than the last bunch we had in Scream 2. Paperthin with some barely uttering a word, they're basically just meat for the slaughter, added along to heighten the count.

Nonetheless, I love it all through out; it's relaxed, manageable, didn't took itself too seriously, it's everything I always look for a good popcorn-friendly horror flick. The best scenes had to be when the Woodsboro finds help through a tape made by their late friend Randy Meeks, who's last encounter with a Ghostface killer had his throat cut (and fans crying over his grave), giving them helpful tips in surviving a horror trilogy. It was perhaps the warmest moment of the film, the original draft was to have him alive, apparently surviving his attack and was sheltered away by his folks to avoid in getting him in anymore rough-ins, but director Wes Craven thought it was too unlikely. (I kinda agree. No one can survive a throat cut that long)
Rest in Peace, lil' buddy.
Some other horror elements are also thrown in, such as a supposed haunting of Sidney's late mother. It didn't work as well as they planned to, but it's quite refreshing if not slightly cheesy. I also find the plot's duo-mystery to be quite interesting and love how both had somehow merged in the climax to give us the franchise's biggest and twistiest reveal yet! And the fact that this was supposed to be the last film of a then-planned trilogy just adds the charm of a big finish.

Albeit many will still see this as the worst, if not just plain trashier, round for the series, I stand my ground with the minority once again when I say this is far better than what most critics and fans alike had made it to be. (Just like how I stand firmly on my ground when I claim Halloween H20 and Ichi The Killer is overrated. Yeah, you heard me. You got a problem?) As a simple, raunchy and messy slasher flick, Scream 3 almost works perfectly along a few small bumps, but fans alike and slasher enthusiasts should definitely give this one a chance.

Bodycount:
1 female stabbed on the back with a buck knife
1 male repeatedly stabbed with a buck knife
1 female stabbed on the back with a buck knife
1 male gets a buck knife to his back, bludgeoned with a frying pan
1 male decimated in house explosion
1 female stabbed on the chest with a buck knife
1 male stabbed with a buck knife, thrown off a balcony
1 female stabbed to death with a buck knife
1 male gets a throat cut with a buck knife
1 male shot on the head
Total: 10
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Hello Sidney, It's Woodsboro: Scream 4 (2011)

October 2, 2014, 1:35 am
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Scream 4 (2011)
Rating: ***1/2
Starring:  Neve Campbell, Courteney Cox, David Arquette

With today's obsession with remaking classic horror films, bringing back Scream after its supposed finale ala trilogy is one way to poke fun at it. Albeit unnecessary.

Neve Campbell returns once again to reprise her role as Sidney Prescott, now an adult, a writer of a bestselling self-help and is currently on her last stop of her book tour, which happens to be her home town of Woodsboro. A night before her arrival, however, a couple of girls were brutally murdered by someone taking the torch as the new Ghostface; Gail and Dewey, married and living a strained life in a small town, were first on the scene and finds out that whoever did it had placed their get-up inside Sidney's car, a mock welcoming gift to celebrate her return and the Woodsboro Massacre anniversary. Once again targeted by a deranged costumed killer, Sidney has no choice but to tag along again and try to stop the killings, which so happens to be targeting her young cousin, Jill, and her friends, with the help of some familiar faces, and too some new ones.

Seems a tad jaded, but Scream 4 is nowhere a bad movie. If anything, it's just plain tired; The same old wheel of poking fun at conventions is done again here, only now they're ripping off remakes (or reboots), crazy franchising and some commentaries on torture porn. (Finally, somebody gets my gripe with that sub-genre!)

I wouldn't really this a re-boot, or a remake, or whatever you call it these days, but it did re-hashed and updated some certain Scream set-up, like the big opening kill, and a hyped-up bodycount that finally embraces cliche. In fact, out of the franchise, Scream 4 boasts the highest and most brutal kill count, going as far as a two digit count and some nasty knife slaughtering. This, however, shows the film's weakness in terms of direction, following a routine of call-show-kill-repeat as targeted victims first receives a call from a killer (or someone pretending to be the killer) before being attacked and gutted alive. Once you get the set-up, you can pretty much tell what's gonna happen next, and with most of these victims even that developed, it's almost empty in comparison to the previous entries.

Still, Scream 4 is still a Scream movie at heart; Kevin Williamson returns to write for this entry after handing it down to another in Scream 3, bringing back the much loved satirical dialogue and name-dropping this series is known for. The entry's decade long hiatus certainly gave it an opportunity to take stabs at every wrong and right about today's horror with much nostalgia from the original, thus the return of another smart script and some well-deserved plot development, done right with oddly placed humor. Wes Craven also sits again as director and surprisingly remains as cool and calculated with the film's flow and direction, a relief seeing how badly messed up his prior work to this was. Seriously Crave, what happened in My Soul to Take? That was horrible!

Casting-wise, while Campbell, Cox and Arquette remains enduring and consistent with their character's personality (well, sort of. Dewey lost some of his awkward puppy-dog charm since the first. Ah, the horrors of growing up), some of the new faces here are likable enough not to be overshadowed by the veterans; Emma Roberts is Jill, Sidney's naive and slightly vulnerable younger cousin who may stand in as the killer's "remake" version of the lead Prescott, portrayed with much troubled innocence and sweetness. Tagged along with her is Hayden Panettiere as the aggressive yet true-to-heart horror geek. She doesn't have much scenes around the film but whenever she's around, she does shine. Joining some of these few countable memorable heads is a couple of film geeks portrayed by Rory Culkin and Erik Knudsen, this version's "Randies", active members of their school's film club and proprietor of the town's annual Stab-a-thon. (Where kids get drunk watching a marathon of Stab films, the series' in-movie slasher franchise) They were awkwardly funny whenever they're on the scene, and even if they're far from replacing Randy, they had a good run.

These two set of generation soon melds in one satisfying climax on where the franchise's well known outrageous twists was once again put to good use, shocking fans to yet again another twist reveal that no one saw coming, with a social commentary on today's violence-obsessed media to boot!

A bit clumsy yet still entertaining entry for our generation, Scream 4 shows us that the franchise still has a long road ahead, and with the right mindset, they can do it right. But does this mean we are rooting for more Scream any time soon? Well, as long as Ghostface doesn't do time travel or find himself a Bride, I guess we can for another round or two.

Bodycount:
1 female knifed on the chest (film)
1 female gets a throat cut (film)
1 female knifed on the gut (film)
1 female knifed on the gut, thrown through a window
1 female got her back crushed with a garage door, knifed
1 female knifed to death, disemboweled
1 female knifed on the gut, thrown off a building and lands on a van
1 male repeatedly knifed on the back
1 male stabbed between the eyes with a knife, bled to death
1 female knifed on the back
1 male stabbed on the chest, knifed to death
1 female knifed twice on the gut*
1 male shot on the head
1 male knifed to death
1 female electrocuted on the face with a defibrillator, shot on the chest
Total: 15

*Questionable
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